Pretty Little Liars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
He Bought Me A Soda

...Over hills and vales, through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, wearing a Prom dress, wearing a frilly nightgown, carrying a candelabra and a valise full of poetry by its broken handle, on angels' wings, on clouds of passion and yearning, and she also took a bus that was two transfers and one of them smelled like urine, Aria finally comes in unto the garret of her beloved.

Ezra explains that Noel has him over a barrel -- twice today already, heh -- and so the only way he can keep her okay and not tainted by the grossness of their gross relationship is to quit his job. This is the kind of shit that he says: "What you and I have is the most real and honest thing in my life. And that's something I hope you remember. No matter what happens tomorrow, that won't change. I'm not going to change Noel's grade, and I will not let him hurt you. If I resign tomorrow and get the hell out of Rosewood, he'll have no reason to tell anybody about us. Hey. Even though this doesn't look right, it has always felt right. And I will not let him change this into something that feels wrong. I just can't."

And they kiss and whatever, SWAT comes bursting in the door and fills him with lead for being a skeevy motherfucker, because listen up: If somebody ever says to you "Even though this doesn't look right it has always felt right," you get your ass to a safe location and you call the cops, call your parents, call the JLA, Ghostbusters, Megatron, whoever, because it is: Neither. They just said that, by saying that. God, even Toby Cavanaugh eventually stopped believing Jenna about that. And look what happened to him. You wanna nip these situations in the bud, you see. I don't care if you're a teen or just a forty-year-old with low self-esteem: Things that don't "look" right are generally not right, and that's how come they look that way.

Melissa comes in with shopping and invites Spencer to dinner with the parents, which means Ian won't be around tonight when/if the inevitable Something that always Happens, happens. She drops an ovulation kit on the floor, which Spencer sees before she can whisk it away, and it turns out that having gotten married five seconds ago, Melissa's planning on having six kids by next week.

"What about the Wharton School?" Who gives a shit, Broheim? I got my motherfuckin' M.R.S.! What-what?

"Who the hell are you turning into?" Listen Mommalady, I have been getting this weekly newsletter that's really changed my priorities. It's called GOOP and have you heard of it.

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Pretty Little Liars




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