While you may be wondering whether or not Lucas is dead, the show is not interested in answering that question beyond Hanna just having this "feeling" like he's okay. It would be more specific if you had a "feeling" that he was traveling around Pennsylvania selling off his comics and "collectibles" in order to pay back some four grand he stole from Caleb that we never knew about, although if you'd noticed the website Lucas was being sketchy about two weeks ago, you'd have seen the whole thing coming. Anyway, he's back, and Caleb and Hanna are somewhat disappointed with him, but at least he's not A. (And at least Hanna Marin did not murder him, which was the funniest thing about the episode in that nobody was concerned about that whatsoever.)
Because another thing Hanna doesn't have time for this week is your mess. Whether it's Mona Vanderwaal crying about the admittedly brutal tragedy of losing Noel Kahn once again, or Caleb trying to find his BFF Lucas after Hanna killed him in a boat, or Emily trying to find a fake ID for Maya as if anybody would ever fucking card Maya, Aria whining about which of the identical Sad Young Literary Men of Rosewood she'll choose for her beau, or Spencer going nuts about some crap she found at the lake house: Hanna doesn't give a hump! She just wants to get crunk, make it through the night without getting murdered, and live long enough to see a day where a ghost ninja isn't constantly following her around, constructing these elaborate grand guignol set pieces every time her back is turned.
In other news: Maya hooked up with a man while she was at Jesus Camp, and now he's acting a little stalkery; Spencer makes friends with Mona Vanderwaal, kind of; Holden and Aria enter into some kind of Hollywood mutual-bearding scenario so she can continue to make her insane mooncalf eyes at Ezra all the time; and Spencer finds a bunch of burner phones in the lake house which lead her indirectly toward making friends with a hot blind fella at Jenna's old Blind People School, who tells her how to identify Sugar in the Raw without using the power of sight and also leads her to the biggest clue of the night: Garrett checked Jenna out of Blind People School the night Alison vanished, and they never checked back in.
Next week: Another attempt on Toby's life, yet another video of Alison's last minutes on Earth, and though Caleb will probably already be back to giving Lucas piggyback rides around town, I'm guessing Noel Kahn will not be answering for himself.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
PREVIOUSLY
Hanna had two problems: One was that the other Liars wanted to use Caleb's cyberwolf powers for their intended purpose, which would get him killed by A. The other was that Lucas was acting even weirder than usual and she decided he was trying to kill her, so she killed him first.
Meanwhile, Emily was working a teen hotline and trying to negotiate a new relationship with old flame Maya; Aria was stalking poor terrified Ezra Fitz with the lunatic eyeballs of a poet scorned; and Spencer... I mean, she was doing her thing. Her crazy, scary, awesome thing. Oh, and Noel Kahn and Mona were back together, which generally means good things for the harvest, in the ways of our people.
IMMEDIATELY AFTERWARD
Well, Noel Kahn has broken up with Mona again. I think that's pretty important. But first, let's see what happened immediately after Hanna murdered her best guy friend and secret spare boyfriend for no real reason other than A) the rampant paranoia that rules these young ladies' lives, and B) the rampant creepiness that is Lucas's natural legacy.
Liars: "Hanna, once again your luck with modes of transportation rivals that of the Kennedy Clan. Have a blanket and some soup and call your boyfriend back."
Hanna: "I'd prefer to stare out this window thinking about how Lucas is probably out there somewhere still trying to kill me, despite all evidence to the contrary."
Spencer: "How long is that going to take? Because that bizarre clue Caleb gave us last week about the dolls living in my attic is still something nobody is interested in hearing."
Aria: "And while we're on the subject of me, I wish Ezra would call me back."
Emily: "Is it ruled out that Lucas is being manipulated by A, like we're constantly being? Doesn't that make more sense than anything else?"
Hanna: "I forgot to tell you this one during The Case Of The Stump, but Lucas totally destroyed Alison's memorial last season. That fact seems more important to me tonight."
Liars: "Well, Alison was awful to him and we all knew that. Any one of us could have done that. The girl was awful."
Hanna, slugging out of her ever-present "water" bottle: "And yet. Yet, perhaps, I am now that stump."
Aria: "Hanna! Don't drink that!"
Hanna: "Why? Is it not vodka?"
It Is: Not. It is lake water. Gross!
A: "Choke on this lake water, bitch!"
Hanna: "Please don't tell me A is coming back up my ass. I thought for sure Aria was going to get it next."
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