Maya: "I sure did get over my reticence about dating you pretty fast... Oh, hell. Yet another mysterious call."
Emily: "Oh my God, Maya. Just tell me what's going on. Unless that seems needy and then, by all means, keep your own counsel."
Maya: "Okay, the truth is that I hooked up with somebody of an unstated gender at Jesus Camp, and that somebody whose gender I have not specified is now acting a little stalker-y."
Emily: "So it's a dude, then. I wish I could say I'm cool with that, but given the fact that I'm Emily it will take me the whole remainder of this sentence to get over it. My advice? Don't introduce him to Spencer."
Holden: "Hey, do you want to get some coffee? Like everyone else in the last several scenes, I feel I must remark upon the weather. It is getting blustery."
Aria: "Sure, whatever. I am on a lonely road, but I am traveling."
Holden: "Okay obviously you were dating that old guy. I don't think anybody missed that, especially once you'd stared him into stomach cramps."
Aria: "Yeah, it's kind of a long story. And I don't come off well."
Holden: "Listen, I got stuff too. How about we have a fake relationship to fool our parents about our sundry things?"
I mean, with this show who knows. Maybe he's a furry. Maybe he sells meth. But I speak from experience when I say that Aria Montgomery is pretty much precisely the last girl every gay dude dates. And vice versa, the perfect boyfriend for Aria Montgomery is a gay dude, which see above re: Ezra Fitz, although I don't really think he's gay. At least, not the way we're using it. And while I do think the Fag Hag thing is a pretty gross and worn-out cliché that isn't really relevant to the way people actually do things -- and it makes everybody look bad when you play that game -- the relationship behind it is indelible, because only gay dudes and hot chicks know what is Really Going On vis-à-vis men and women, because we're the only ones that pay for it.
MARIN MASSACRE PART II
While Ashley intermittently yells nonsense from the bathroom, Hanna finds herself in a predicament wherein Lucas is suddenly lurking in her bedroom. And you know, I've said before, it's a known, that Lucas is about ten times cuter than the show will allow us to say he is, because that's how TV works. And even still, boyfriend looks fine in this scene. No homo, but he looks probably the best he's ever looked.