Pretty Little Liars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
I.C.U.
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: Serial child-kisser Ian returned to Rosewood, probably to marry Melissa and then make out with some more children. I don't know what the Ben situation is at this time; I just miss Wren. Spencer doesn't really have any other problems, besides picking which of her sister's relationships to ruin or essays to plagiarize, but that's mostly because Spencer is the only person who ever knows what the fuck is going on.

In other pedo news, Aria dated a homosexual to make her elderly boyfriend jealous, spotted him glamping suspiciously at Camp Mona, and ran off to get statutory raped some more. Aria is still the very worst.

Emily's mom knows about her girlfriend Maya, but now Emily's dad is home to possibly make things worse, and plus she's involved in the super-creepy family life of her creepy friend Toby, who was at one point doing his creepy blind sister Jenna. Toby is now in the custody of either the cops or the FBI, which is probably best because the people of Rosewood are very Elm Street when it comes to poor Toby Cavanaugh.

Hanna found out her mom was broke but not that she was sleeping with the enemy, or that she was stealing money from gross old ladies. Hanna's old boyfriend Sean sucks all over the place, while her awesome hermaphrodite boyfriend Lucas can be moderately freaky but is not really a bad sort. Hanna figured out that Aria's gay fake-boyfriend Noel was A, which he is not, and then got her ass run down by a car.

These days when Ashley Marin's driving her car it's with two major fears: Number one, that Aria's wormy father will randomly appear and ask her on a date, and number two that somehow the cops or somebody will figure out that she stole the gross old lady's money. So when a cop pulls over, she assumes the jig is up. It's all very Psycho. But instead of handcuffing her and taking her off to jail -- thus necessitating she sleep with even more cops -- he just wants to explain how daughter Hanna got run the hell over.

Back at Camp Mona they're loading Hanna onto the ambulance and everything looks pretty dire. Mona comes running up to express sympathy, which she would only do for Hanna, and the three other Liars jump in the car -- but not before Aria spots Noel in the crowd, wearing a black hoodie and looking gorgeous as usual, and then he melts away into the shadows. What was Noel doing glamping? Did he run over Hanna? Is he A? Did he kill Ali? Why would he do any of these things? He's just a treasure trove of surprises. As long as he doesn't ever play guitar so Aria can sing again, I don't have a problem with him. That was a fucking nightmare.

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Pretty Little Liars

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