Hanna's mom gets pulled over by her buds in the police department with her bucket of stolen cash, but it's just to tell her that her daughter got run over. Since she can't sleep with the hit and run driver, she doesn't know what else to do but hang around bugging the girls so they can't share info about the many other messes in which they're involved.
To wit: Hanna's mysterious hospital visitors. First you've got Noel, who did write "I SEE YOU" on Ezra Fitz's car out of Aria-related jealousy, but probably is not A. Then sweet Lucas, who looks even better in HD, comes by to give her a kiss and a tantrum about being in the friend zone. Then comes Ghost Alison in a dream, talking all kinds of clue-sounding mess and threatening to take out A once and for all. And finally, A herself, who writes a scary apology on Hanna's leg cast while she's out of it.
Spencer keeps everybody on an even keel for the most part, even after finding out that Aria is sleeping with their English teacher, but sort of loses it when Ian shows up half-dressed and marries her sister. (I know!) Aria also mostly just vacillates and wears horrible clothes and plays wounded music on the school keyboards and acts like an idiot with Fitz some more. Finally, we decide that A is multiple people and that we're starting over, essentially, from scratch.
But for all this rearranging in the wake of Camp Mona -- and it's a beautifully directed episode, full of swooping old-school pans and delicious lighting -- the only thing that feels really important in the end is Emily's big coming-out moment. After getting into a fantastic meow-fight with Jenna ("The only person who should have come between you two is a social worker"), her dad finally sits her down and berates her until she admits that she's not being harassed by Toby so much as her own gay feelings. He then goes and berates her mom about being less homophobic toward their awesome daughter, and it's just a bloody, awful mess... And something of a wonderful relief. One secret down, approximately 94,999 to go.
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Previously: Serial child-kisser Ian returned to Rosewood, probably to marry Melissa and then make out with some more children. I don't know what the Ben situation is at this time; I just miss Wren. Spencer doesn't really have any other problems, besides picking which of her sister's relationships to ruin or essays to plagiarize, but that's mostly because Spencer is the only person who ever knows what the fuck is going on.
In other pedo news, Aria dated a homosexual to make her elderly boyfriend jealous, spotted him glamping suspiciously at Camp Mona, and ran off to get statutory raped some more. Aria is still the very worst.
Emily's mom knows about her girlfriend Maya, but now Emily's dad is home to possibly make things worse, and plus she's involved in the super-creepy family life of her creepy friend Toby, who was at one point doing his creepy blind sister Jenna. Toby is now in the custody of either the cops or the FBI, which is probably best because the people of Rosewood are very Elm Street when it comes to poor Toby Cavanaugh.
Hanna found out her mom was broke but not that she was sleeping with the enemy, or that she was stealing money from gross old ladies. Hanna's old boyfriend Sean sucks all over the place, while her awesome hermaphrodite boyfriend Lucas can be moderately freaky but is not really a bad sort. Hanna figured out that Aria's gay fake-boyfriend Noel was A, which he is not, and then got her ass run down by a car.
These days when Ashley Marin's driving her car it's with two major fears: Number one, that Aria's wormy father will randomly appear and ask her on a date, and number two that somehow the cops or somebody will figure out that she stole the gross old lady's money. So when a cop pulls over, she assumes the jig is up. It's all very Psycho. But instead of handcuffing her and taking her off to jail -- thus necessitating she sleep with even more cops -- he just wants to explain how daughter Hanna got run the hell over.
Back at Camp Mona they're loading Hanna onto the ambulance and everything looks pretty dire. Mona comes running up to express sympathy, which she would only do for Hanna, and the three other Liars jump in the car -- but not before Aria spots Noel in the crowd, wearing a black hoodie and looking gorgeous as usual, and then he melts away into the shadows. What was Noel doing glamping? Did he run over Hanna? Is he A? Did he kill Ali? Why would he do any of these things? He's just a treasure trove of surprises. As long as he doesn't ever play guitar so Aria can sing again, I don't have a problem with him. That was a fucking nightmare.