Pretty Little Liars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+

Next morning you got Ezra throwing another damned fit about how maybe fucking a child is a bad idea. This time his evidence is the writing on his back window -- I SEE YOU -- which he finds unsettling and accusatory, because he assumes it happened while they were mugging down at Camp Mona before heading over to his little house. Aria says about sixty times that it doesn't mean anything, but I think what she means is, "This isn't about your statutory rape, it's just my stalker, don't worry about it." She wipes it off, getting dust all over her stupid outfit, and then probably sits on some steps somewhere and reads some poetry or something.

Emily's awful mom is all about A) Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, B) Call Ben and have some heterosexual sex with him as soon as possible, C) Toby Cavanaugh is a monster, and D) No cell phones at the table. Her usual things. But when Emily points out that her text might be from Hanna, her dad steps in and throws some patriarchy on it, so she's allowed to check. (Their family is kind of the worst people, but at least they're not racist like in the books. Which would be difficult, because they are like every race.) And indeed it is from Ashley, saying that Hanna wants company.

The Liars ask Hanna the usual questions, like does it get hurt when you get hit by a car, hoping that Ashley will get bored. Eventually, though, Hanna has to dismiss her, and she heads off to steal from more old ladies and fuck some more cops and loan Byron Montgomery some more toast, so Hanna finally gets to tell the gals that it was Noel that she decided was A. Specifically because he wrote on Fitz's car in a very A manner. Aria thinks about this for a second but she knows that Noel could never be A and that in fact this is just the age-old story where you play the gay musician off the pedophile English teacher.

And then suddenly she is busting out the whole story about how she did have a boyfriend in Iceland -- which I still don't believe -- but that she's been screwing Ezra since Labor Day, and did so again last night. Hanna's point is that she saw what she saw and then was immediately run over, but the connection does seem tenuous if you think about it. Then Noel knocks on the hospital door and Aria acts very dramatic and weird and jumpy and Noel is very pretty and super gay some more, and he lies and says that he was with Sean last night and not glamping, which proves that he's hiding something and is maybe a murderer. The girls are all over this. Especially Spencer, because if anybody's gonna get fucked by old guys.

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Pretty Little Liars




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