Pretty Little Liars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
I.C.U.

But not Noel. No, not Noel. He just wants to find out if Hanna's okay, if they caught the guy, if he is going to jail, if those strange feelings about the other boys on the football team are ever going to go away. Aria asks him why he was glamping and lying about it, and Noel explains the pretty adorable truth that he followed them into the woods to scare them, but then he saw Aria getting in Ezra's car, and it hurt his little gay heart and that rather than writing I SEE YOU on the window he should have thrown a rock. Just scare them, and that was what ended up happening. Poor fellow.

...Or not. He immediately starts in about how he is going to have Ezra put in jail and "what did he promise you to get in that car" and "what he made you do" and all of this shit and it's like, yes, he's older and technically in a power position, but really don't you think you should ask Aria what she thinks about all this? Not only is it fairly insulting but if there is something hinky going on, making her feel powerless and creepy about it is probably not a better plan. You know how pretentious she is: It's not like you're going to convince her she wasn't having the greatest love affair of all time. Anyway, Aria makes him promise not to take action by swearing on his feelings for her, which is just so Aria, and he goes through with it, because that is his entire personality.

Emily calls the FBI to see if she can visit Toby, but don't you know Jenna Thing is lying in wait just around the corner, hissing and waving back and forth like a blind cobra, about how Toby doesn't want to see her because she sold him out (which she basically did, considering she knew he was right when he told her not to tell the Liars where he was) and then the cops came to their house and found that sweater, which... Mental rolodex thwipping... The sweater that 2) Toby gave Ali, after 1) the fight with Spencer, but 3) before she made the Kissing Rock video with Ian, and then 4) got herself murdered? Is that right? Busy damn night. Anyway, Jenna is pissed because now Toby's gone and she can never blindly fuck her own brother again. Emily then serves up maybe the best burn in the history of this show: "Somebody should have 'come between' you two a long time ago. Maybe a social worker with a bucket of ice water?" Jenna calls her a bitch and toddles off, but you can tell inside she's like Good one, Emily.

There's a gorgeous, spooky scene where Ali visits Hanna in the hospital, leaving a lipstick rim on her waterglass, but all we really need to discuss here is what Ghost Alison has to say. Hanna points out that Ali is dead and she says, "I heard that, too, but here I am." What happened to her? "It's complicated, Hanna. Really complicated. Worse than algebra." What happened when she left the barn? Everybody wants to know. "You already do. The four of you combined, you remember more about that night than you think you do." Where did she go? Did she meet a guy? Noel? "Pfft. Please." Like she needs one more gay person obsessing on her.

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Pretty Little Liars

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