SWIM & GET MURDERED IN THE WOODS PARTY

Paige: "I am having a panic attack because we have driven so far into the woods. I have to freak out and wear flannel now."
Emily: "Like, it's just a party. With hot girls."
Paige: "No, this goes crazy deep. I am becoming a homebound agoraphobic due to being punched in the boob by a man in a dress. I told you I was grounded too? Lie. I am grounded by my own deep craziness. I was only able to keep this very important, sad and crazy secret from you because you are grounded in reality."
Emily: "You are literally worse at being somebody's girlfriend than anyone on this show. Which I will remind you also includes an incest enthusiast and about thirty statutory rapists."
Paige: "I thought you would stop liking me if I wasn't strong enough for you!"
Emily: "Bitch, when did you think I got the idea that you were 'strong'? I don't like strong women, I like fucking crazy women. Trust me, the only thing that keeps me going when you pull this shit is the fact that you out-crazied Alison DiLaurentis. Cry, get panic attacks all you want, whatever. I just want to know, at the end of the day, that you're gonna try and drown me."

QUIZ-OFF

Is apparently such a big deal that everybody is dressed up and the whole thing takes place on the set of like Weakest Link. It looks amazing, Mona looks amazing, Spencer's rocking the Kate Hepburn Suit complete with terrifying cameo neck-broach, Hot Nerd's workin' it in a courageous print, the whole thing is just set to blow. And Spencer takes the early lead, much to Hot Nerd's cheer.

MEREDITH NEEDS SOME WINE

And Aria needs to sneak up on her. Walking past a guy who is apparently passed out in a phone booth near the door, she makes her way toward her dad's boyfriend with a look of trepidation that says, "It is so exhilarating to make decisions because my decisions are always so well-thought-out." But in fact, it's one of those Anita Moments where Aria is being a total Gryffindor, which is always very exciting.

Aria: "Honey, I've never seen him that mad. I honestly got scared for you. If there's something going on, you might maybe should tell me."
Meredith: "...Have a seat, actually. This is how far I have fallen."
Aria: "So it sounded like you caught him doing something..."
Meredith: "Going through your shit, actually. And last week, it was my purse."
Aria: "Whoa, seriously? How come?"
Meredith: "To be honest, he told me he thought it was yours. So. Yeah. The fact that he kept going through your shit after that, I just... Had to ask. I waited around until he took Mike somewhere, and then I went through his shit..."
Aria: Snatches the pages out of her hands.
Meredith: "Nothing I didn't know. The whole blackmail thing with Alison..."
Aria: "Um like my entire life is based on the idea that he wasn't seeing you at that point. If I thought I no longer had to keep that secret, and I was wrong, that would make me an idiot. In some ways, the Big Idiot. It would break my heart if the lies went back that far."