Pretty Little Liars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1264 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Taylor Doose Will Have His Revenge

Caleb: "Hanna. What's with you guys and Jenna Cavanaugh?"
Hanna: "We blinded her. We blew her up, and now she's blind. And I slapped the shit out of her last week in the bathroom. Also, I think she has magic powers."
Caleb: "I really miss you. Every time an owl hoots and swoops toward its prey, I'll..."
Hanna: "-- Um, yeah. I still kinda feel like a ho? Peace."

At the professor's love nest, Aria discovers a Facebook picture of Ezra sitting in Italy with some girl that looks like Ezra and is wearing an engagement ring. Since Ezra is not currently in Italy, and you can't get photographs from the future, this picture is clearly from the past and has no bearing on reality. Aria, as reality's number one enemy, sees things differently; immediately she assumes that she has been trapped into a polygamist lifestyle. The only interesting thing here is that when Aria says the word "romantic" Spencer immediately changes the subject to Toby Cavanaugh. Which, I had totally forgotten about their awesome motel parking-lot kiss until just now.

Liars: "Let's spend an entire scene listing thirty-seven thousand things that a key might unlock. Houses, tennis club lockers, whatever."
Hanna: "I feel kind of violated about this whole key/Caleb thing."
Liars: (More of Mona's sort of weirdly intense circling-the-wagons violent hatred heading Caleb's way.)
Aria, of course: "Let's not be too hasty. Sometimes nosy people are still very artistic and grown up for their age."
Spencer & Hanna: "Wrong. We are going to rip off his head and piss down his neck."
Emily: "I see I'm going to have to throw down some Emily right now."
Everybody: [Chills.]

Aria: "We are going to talk about me if I have to slap all three of you bitches in the face."
Liars: "Fine. Is it about Ezra?"
Aria: "You know it."
Liars: "Ugh. Proceed."
Aria: "Here's my problem..."
Liars: "Not actually a problem, Aria."
Aria: "They were eating gelato in Italy."
Liars: "Oh, well. That changes everything."

Hanna: "I will fucking kill him."
Aria: "Um... For what?"
Hanna: "WHADDAYA GOT."

Some ridiculous scheme involving Facebook, but every time Aria's mouth says Facebook it's dubbed over so Lucy Hale says "website" instead, like, "I saw his website page," which is the first problem, but super funny. Like Tim & Eric funny to hear the people on this show -- which is even more about social media than Gossip Girl is -- and they're talking about his "website page" in these serious voices. Brilliant.

Pretty Little Liars

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