Ackard: "Oh, completely unrelated to what we were talking about, I'm thinking of vacationing either in a list of places that make sense together, like Hawaii, or possibly Hilton Head, SC. Do any of you Hastings family members have anything super weird to say about that out of nowhere?"
Spencer: "Mrs. Ackard, I would love to say something out of left field that is totally weird about Hilton Head, SC."
Melissa: "I can't wait to add more things that are clearly lies, meaning even my whole abortion/miscarriage story was a lie and we're back at square one!"
Ackard: "Cool, that's me done for the day. I'm a plot device!"

Ian: "Spencer, what the fuck."
Spencer: "The usual fuck! Duh."
Melissa: "Why are you so like how you are?"
Spencer: "The only abortion here is your lies."

Ian: "Take one fucking day off a week, little lady."
Spencer: "I am Spencer Hastings. I got voices in my head telling me to be righteous and destroy everything all the time until the only thing left is the truth."
Melissa: "But I mean, we all know that whatever the truth is about all this, it's twice as sad and half as incriminating. I'm actually a fairly pathetic character no matter how you slice it."
Spencer: "I will not rest until my entire family is all dead or in jail. Or that guy that worked at the tennis club comes back, from the footlocker where I locked him the last time I was convinced everybody was A."
Mrs. Hastings: "Good point! I haven't gotten drunk in a while, that's always fun."

Samara: "I like girls."
Emily: "I do too!"
Samara: "Do you like earrings?"
Emily: "Sure, whatever!"
Samara: "Don't tell the director! Apparently it makes sense to have your hair covering your ears for the next two scenes, while we talk about these earrings forever and ever, that the audience will never see. Apparently that means we're doing our jobs."

Paige: "Um, nice earrings? That I can't see?"
Emily: "Hey, this is Samara the girl you screwed over yesterday. We're pretty much dating now. I told her about your dad and all your details."
Paige: "WHAT?"
Emily: "Um, that is what us lesbians do. Don't get weird."
Paige: (Gets weird, because have you met Paige.)
Emily: "Sorry about my nuts girlfriend."
Samara: "I can wait."