Jason: "Hey, remember how I told you I probably killed Alison during a 24-hour fugue state? Can that be our little secret?"
Aria: "You vastly overestimate my ability to give a shit about your personal deal."
Jason: "My mom is coming into town, FYI. She might ask you to do some weird things, like put on Alison's old clothes and pretend to be her."
Aria: "What makes you think that?"
Jason: "I would rather not talk about it."
(He stares at her for one million years trying to turn strands of her hair bright pink through the power of thought alone.)
THAT MARVELOUSLY MADCAP MARIN MANSION
Hanna's Parents: "Let's just drink all the time and pretend we're still married!"
Hanna: "I am not having it!"
Hanna's Dad: "Oh, honey. Let's just have martinis and dinner and fuck with your head."
Hanna: "Why don't you go have dinner with your other family, bigamist?"
Hanna's Mom, for pretend: "Hanna! Be nice."
Hanna's Mom in reality: "Hanna! Keep doing this! It is amazing!"
HASTINGS HOUSE OF HORRORS ON THE HALF-SHELL
Spencer: "That was some good kissing!"
Toby: "Anyway, I'm barely in this episode."
Her dad, downstairs on the phone: "How could you let Jason DiLaurentis move back to town? I am so mad about this!"
Spencer: "What are you so mad about?"
Dad: "Nothing. Um, [huge obvious lie]. Melissa took all of our salty snacks with her to the spa, huh? You should have gone to the spa."
Spencer: "How I work is, relaxation is the opposite for me from how normal people are."
*69, once Dad is gone: "This is Alison's crazy drunk mom. If you are calling about a vast conspiracy of adults regarding my daughter's disappearance, press one. If you are calling about the time we all murdered Fred Krueger, press two. If you are calling about the time I abducted and ate the Lindbergh baby, press three. If you are calling to find out where the fuck Noel Kahn is, press four..."
FIELDS FAMILY FOMA
Mom: "Let's talk about our sex life really loud on the phone outside my daughter's bedroom."
Emily: (That face she makes.)
Mom: "Sorry. I just really miss your dad. Part of being a clueless and unreconstructed non-feminist is that without a man in my life I wither and die and piss myself. I wanted that so badly for you."
Emily: "You know what, go to Texas. Fuck it. I can take care of myself, and you're bumming me out."
Mom: "I am from another generation."
Emily: "Whatever it is, it is gross. Go to Texas."