Oh my goodness! What a fantastic time to be into this show lately, am I right? The hits just keep coming. Spencer's losing her mind over the Toby reveAl, Paige and Caleb are cooking up some secret countermeasures to protect the Liars, Aria's just about run down the clock on Ezra's secret child, and without Spencer around to keep 'em in line, everything's falling apart.
Very haggard and spent, but still beautiful in a frightening way, Spencer spends the day mouthin' off to Ella and skippin' school, and eventually is so primed to explode that it takes a single fake Aria text to send her right up into Ezra's face about the baby secret. Of course, he doesn't know about that yet, so this was actually a cunning way for A to aim the weapon that is Spencer Hastings at another vulnerable Liar, but in the end it works out pretty well: Aria's off the hook, Ezra understands, Maggie is a loser. (Oh, and we learn Meredith's now on lockdown since apparently Aria's not the first person she's poisoned and chased around the house with a knife. LOL.)
I mean, Ezra dumps her and leaves town in the end, but it's not like he's really been around that much anyway. I'm sure Aria will be devastated, which should be hilarious. And I'm guessing it means Wesley's back in the mix. For her part, Spencer ends the episode hiring a private detective -- if not an assassin -- to get to the bottom of the A-Lair and Toby's business. She is going dark as hell, and it is a beautiful thing to watch.
Cousin Nate sends Emily a box of Maya's old junk, as a sort of apology for how their son forced her to stab him to death, but of course it contains a clue which changes everything: Alison feared for her life because she got pregnant at the Jersey Shore, and presumably was killed to keep the secret. It's only seconds after she hands the notebook in question over to Detective Wilden that they realize who her fertile lover was: None other than Wilden himself. Making Alison and Ashley Eskimo Sisters, of a sort. No shame in that game.
Did I mention Toby wearing a do-rag? That was very important. It seems that Alison, because she had so much free time, once visited him in juvie, and that's how we learn that Toby used to dress like he was on The Wire. It's incredible.
Hanna overhears Paige discussing the B-Team with Caleb (and copping to the locker-brain prank in the process) so in order to protect everybody from their schemes drawing more hellfire down on them, she follows Paige to a lesbian bar. It's an outstandingly hilarious sequence of events involving thrown drinks and mistaken identities, but in the end she only comes away soaking wet and quite sure Emily's getting cheated on. It also produces this conversation:
Hanna: "I just accepted it from some random girl who thought I'd like pink drinks, I wasn't going to get drunk..."
Ashley: "What is a pinkdrink? Is it code? For something gay?"
Yeah. No, but kind of. This show is so amazing.
Next Week: Therapy Anne! Hypnotizing Emily! False memories of murdering Alison! Wesley Fitzgerald! Mona decides to start some more shit! Spencer continues to be insane in all directions and look like she has an alien being, or Jenna Marshall, inhabiting her body! Her very soul!
Ezra has a secret baby he doesn't know about and Paige and Caleb are forming a secret B-Team to protect their girlfriends. Emily stabbed a dude to death, Aria was locked up and nearly murdered by a substitute teacher, Hanna was attacked by mannequins, and still none of them had half as shitty a day as Spencer Hastings, who finally figured out her boyfriend Toby is on the A-Team.
A sex dream of Toby goes to a very dark place, and Spencer wakes up feeling super crazed and sex-strangled. Possibly crazed enough to stop taking naps in the early evening, and take her A-Lair key out into Rosewood and see what it opens. The scariest thing about the concept of Spencer losing her shit is that we have no idea what that would look like, because there is no control group, because compared to any other person she'd start out looking like she lost her shit.
I guess she hasn't told anybody else about Toby, though, because Aria and Emily are both more interested in figuring out how to get Spencer to talk to her sister Melissa about the night Byron bitched at and possibly killed Alison: Like pretty much everybody on this show, she was standing around in the DiLaurentis yard at the same time Alison was getting murdered.
Pam: "Hey, I'm on this show sometimes. I live in this house and work at the police station suddenly. Oh, and I got this random box from an unknown address. Do you think it could be something horrible?"
Emily: "Probably not. I so rarely get horrible anonymous packages... Who's it from?"
Pam: "The family of the dude you stabbed to death, actually. I don't know why I didn't lead with that. Maybe I should have thought this through."
Emily: "Nah, let's just open it right up."
Creepily enough, the box is full of random crap Emily sent Alison, back when they were crushy best friends: Birthday cards, letters of encouragement, heartfelt lesbian poems, that kind of thing. Emily figures probably Maya found them in Ali's room -- perhaps while prancing around in a blonde wig? -- and meant to give them to Emily, but then just forgot.
Emily: "She was very busy, between being sent to Christian camp and then being trapped for weeks in a robot house and hanging around on porches ruining parties and then also getting murdered. It's gross to think that Nate held onto this stuff, or even touched it with his fake cousin fingers. What I don't get is why his parents would do me this favor."