Spencer has moved to the foot of the stairs, one of her favorite places for acting weird in the darkness.
Spencer: "Dear A, can we hang out?"
Toby: "Dear Spencer, why would that be weird?"
Spencer: "Dear A, you realize this is maybe the craziest thing I have ever done? Me, Spencer Hastings? I mean, this is beyond the pale. Nobody can find out I'm talking to A."
Toby: "Dear Spencer, I promise not to tell anybody. Or murder you! LOL."
Hanna totally spots Paige totally hitting on this hot girl. Maybe there will be a fight! Somebody buys her a pink lady-drink, a somebody who then attempts to summon Hanna to the yard using only her milkshake. While the terrible lesbian music goes on and on about oral sex and/or lying -- "slip of the tongue" in this case being something of a punnilingus -- Hanna gives it some thought, then remembers she is on a mission and heads off, sucking down her flirtini as she goes. Keep drinkin' that drink from a random stranger, Hanna! I've got a good feeling about all this.
Aria: "Dear Ezra, my bad."
Ezra: "Dear Aria, SMH."
Byron: "You seem sluggish and morose. You want a grilled cheese sandwich?"
Aria: "You've always been a bachelor, haven't you? Inside, I mean."
Emily: "Aria, I need to talk to you. It's about Alison DiLaurentis's menstrual cycle."
Aria: "...Wait, she got knocked up too? That bitch was so busy all the time!"
Emily: "The reason it's not in her autopsy is that she got pregnant in Jersey. Or something similarly unnecessary to explain."
Aria: "Do you think we should tell the police about the man who threatened to murder our friend who got murdered?"
Emily: "I guess so. I'll meet you at the police station. Where we can hand this evidence incriminating Wilden directly to Wilden, and probably get killed by him too."
Aria: "Why don't we just go together?"
Emily: "Because there's fifteen minutes left in the episode so obviously something horrible has to happen to either or both of us."
Aria: "That's probably what this mysterious text message I'm getting is about. Hope we both survive to meet up at the police station in a minute."
Paige's date says something I didn't really understand but involves kissing, and Hanna gives some wild side-eye, but before she can follow them to wherever they're going she gets blocked by Kelis, and they're like, "This awful awful song makes me wanna dance!" so then Hanna dances with her for a while because welcome to Hanna Marin, why not, and then... Can it be? Yes! Kelis's girlfriend shows up and starts yelling in Hanna's face! I actually punched the air and said "YES!" Lesbian bar fight is a go! She throws a drink in Hanna's face and then before you know it, homegirl's gettin' carded.