Pretty Little Liars
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Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
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MONTGOMERY

While this conversation is going on, Aria is rearranging a huge pile of vending-machine food in... Her kitchen? No, Ezra's office. Good Lord the girl is going to try a sexy picnic, isn't she?

Emily: "I can't keep these girls here forever, and somebody is watching us from outside. And that's not even the creepy part!"
Aria: "You're playing poker. Bluff."
Emily: "You're just lucky your relationship is so boring not even A cares about it."

"COLLEGE"

Ezra: "I am so confused. On the one hand you've been blowing me off and now you're offering me Twinkies and shit, which makes me think you are trying the least possible amount. On the other hand, I can see your vagina, which makes me think you're trying really hard. Which is it?"
Aria: "I am a hipster. It is both. Both at once."
Ezra: "Are you by any chance having sex dreams about Jason? Is that why you're all over my junk?"
Aria: (Nearly starts crying with frustration-slash-desperation. It's actually really effective and sad.)

Meanwhile, Emily swiftly creeps out every single lesbian at once on their way out by offering her number to A's assigned target in the most awkward, galumphing way imaginable. (Unless you're Emily, and then it's actually kind of suave.) So much judgmental slow shaking back-and-forth of so many conceptual individualistic haircuts that you can actually hear it: The disappointment. She taught them poker and she gave them cupcakes and then she went full creepster, all in one night. Don't be sad, Em. My social skills desert me around our people too.

NEXT MORNING

Aria and Ezra, finally having accomplished doing it, spend a slow morning... Nope! Once again Aria's mind has betrayed us. Eyes wider than when she is shushing, Aria wonders what on earth is to become of her.

Caleb and Hanna cyberstalk his mom, and her two young sons, and her buckets of modern-day money she has now. Hanna knows what it is to feel abandoned, to a great extent, so she's able to come with him on this one. In true Marin household tradition, Caleb decides to eat his feelings, then heads out for some lonesome crying and pizza retrieval.

Emily: "Man, those girls are going to tell on me so hard! I know it appeared that I was giving that girl my number!"
Aria: "You actually were."
Emily: "You know what I mean!"
Aria: "Gah, I know. Just call Samara."
Emily: "Can't. She already called twice and I couldn't deal."
Lesbians: Always have secret sensational names such as Samara, Quinn, Zoƫ and Mavis. That's the main way to spot 'em. (Somebody go tell Ashley Marin!)

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Pretty Little Liars

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