So when she jogs out to the pantry to sob hysterically, I mean. She's a trooper. She invited the girlfriend over for dinner and she tried really hard, no matter how many offensive things happened in a row. And then she saw you playing footsie under the table, after you crapped on marriage and the military, the two things she is made of. I don't think it's lowering the bar to give her a little time or room to have her own thoughts, much less adjust. Keep it to yourself when there are gay kids present, but other than that I say you get to have all the tough times you want. It gets better.

Anyway, Mona comes on over to Hanna's house to get her "up to speed," which Hanna thinks means learning math -- Mona probably is really good at math, that kind often are -- but is in fact about... Talking shit about some girl in their school named Claudia Rice (played by Kirsten Dunst perhaps?), who wears skinny jeans and tight everything. Right up until intruders begin to lurk about, shadows on the walls and windows, and Hanna starts to lose it bigtime: "Mona! No, Mona! Don't open the door, Mona! Call the police, Mona!" But of course it's the surprise party; Mona grins as she opens the door to them, "Oh hush, Baby Jane."

Later. Party. Hanna can't even take her eyes off Noel Kahn at her own Spleen Party, that's how gorge... Oh, got it. He ran her over with a car. It is weird that he is at her party. Of course, he didn't do that, so the rest of this episode of people staring at Noel and him smiling super-cute and super-creepy at them is more of a visual thing than a step forward. Oh, and I guess he's a bit creepier now that he's blackmailing Ezra Fitz. Except here's my deal on that: Somebody needs to blackmail Ezra Fitz. Or just turn him in for no reward at all. For the rewarding feeling of being a good citizen.

There are plenty of situations where things are blurry: Aria is not one of those situations. She's not old for her age, she's immature for literally any age, and this reflects well on absolutely nobody. The reason in real life guys like Ezra go for age-appropriate empty vague quirky hipster dreamgirls like Aria is precisely because they have no personality besides being terribly interesting, so they can project all their shit onto the girl, Scott Pilgrim style, without getting any blowback. The Perfect Girl is perfect because she's a five-foot mirror to a door in the boy, and if the girl is lame she'll never understand that's a problem, or even notice. But doing that to a child is twice as gross, because they're not even done cooking yet.