Pretty Little Liars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
It Gets Better, Then It Gets Worse

So to cover the felt-tip evils of A, the Liars have decided to slap a big sticker on Hanna's leg reading HUMPTY DUMPTY WAS PUSHED. She keeps messing with it because it won't stick -- and probably because it's not the most flattering reference for the formerly Hefty; Aria barfily wishes it read SAVE THE PLANET -- but Spencer says it was the only choice besides JESUS IS COMING, LOOK BUSY, which is probably worse if you're Hanna and you have to wear it around school. Emily's mom would probably love it though. Probably that would crack her right up.

About five seconds after affixing the sticker, Hanna peels it off to check if the message is still there. Astonishingly, it is, which sets her off again into last week's freakout. I don't know what she thought would have changed in those five seconds, but also she's on major pain pills. Other things that don't make sense: We learn she's been in the hospital for three weeks. Three weeks! Considering last week was the night she went into the hospital and it ended with the text-by-leg, I guess those three weeks took place at least partially after the message appeared? I'm just glad she's okay after her slow-motion lazy river ride over the top of a stolen car. Emily thinks it's cute that Lucas brought Hanna a panda bear, because creepy stalkers hated by the entire town are her favorite kind of people.

They leave Hanna alone for a second to bring her stuff in, and she goes looking for carbs and ends up finding her mom's stolen money in an old box of dry lasagna noodles. The most intriguing thing, besides the sheer amount of cash, is that they are like, filed between the noodles. Noodle, stack of bills, noodle, like that. Hanna's mom is secretly the most interesting person. Also, A texts her the second she finds the noodles, because A can do anything and sees everything as it's happening and right now A is standing over your shoulder watching you read this on the computer. Don't turn around.

The Liars come back to see Hanna looking shocked and holding the lasagna box to her bosom like a starchy baby, and they remind her that she doesn't have to keep a brave face on. After all, she's being stalked by at least two people in addition to the person that kidnapped her best friend, and one of them ran her over with a car: Hanna has it hard, in many ways. She tells them to leave and Spencer kisses her forehead and then I guess she takes a nap or just stands there staring at the noodles and being high, because her mom comes in after the jump with a bunch of like body pillows and slankets so she'll be comfy on the couch. Hanna looks even lovelier than usual in this scene. Also, her mom has got a rocking body. It comes as a surprise every time I see it.

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Pretty Little Liars

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