Pretty Little Liars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
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It Gets Better, Then It Gets Worse

Everybody's gone, the house is a mess, and once more there are people moving around in the night. Hanna works herself up to her third horror-movie freakout in two weeks, quite effectively indeed says this scary movie buff, but it's just her mom. Looking sternly at the Spleen and what it did to her house, and her daughter's horrific electric-youth blue nail polish. And then running straight to the lasagna box. Which is empty.

Emily comes home -- Did we even see her at the party? -- and her mom's like, "So your dad's going to Texas like way sooner than expected." They share sadness about that for a while, but Mom knows the drill. Emily thanks her very politely for inviting Maya over and that Maya had a good time, and Mom uses Mom Code: "Your father thinks she's very sweet." Which is like a rattler shaking its tail, which Emily should know since she used the same code on the porch when she was all, "Dad loves you. Mom loved your dress." Step away from the rattle, lady friend.

But Emily's too overjoyed in the afterglow of not being exorcised or thrown out or physically attacked or driven to suicide like most gay teens, so she doesn't hear it. "And I'm glad you're okay with it." Um, no. Mom is not okay with it. And that's okay, although the next thing is a little TMI: "The whole thing makes me sick. Sick to my stomach."

I've always said I was glad I was never a teenage girl -- I don't have the balls for it -- but God. You're only a gay teen once. And we can't even really share or talk about it, because being a teenage anything is a slow-motion car accident so there's no basis for comparison, no control group. But actually I bet it felt the same for everybody, just with different words and different scary things you figured out eventually, and different things you're still working on figuring out. Maybe a control group isn't necessary.

Spencer comes home and she and her dad bitch good-naturedly about Ian and his stuff for a while, but Dad's of the opinion that Mom's of the opinion that sometimes Melissa needs a little nudge every once in a while, and that Ian might help with this post-barn life of hers because he's so "impulsive" and "passionate." They are both grossed out, by that whole concept and by Ian himself, but there's only so far you can go with that before you're actually just starting problems.

In other news, a cop friend of Spencer's dad says the blood on Toby's sweater was Alison's. Which he gave to her that night, after the Spencer fight but before the Ian part, so it doesn't really prove anything. But the cops, of course, will think otherwise. So Little Miss Toby Cavanaugh Did It is now faced with the possibility that he'll be connected and the case will be closed. Which won't shut A down one bit, even if he was the killer, which not even Spencer really believes at this point. And just as Spencer's about to go to bed and feel weird about this some more, another clue: One of Ian's storage-space things is a golf bag from Fairways Resort in Hilton Head.

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Pretty Little Liars

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