Pretty Little Liars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
It Gets Better, Then It Gets Worse

Oh, and Ashley's going to be in Scranton, is why she's throwing this party. So really, Mona just wants to have a party and knows Hanna can't do shit about it. She tells Emily and Spencer not to bother coming if they're not going to support her in totally overstepping Hanna's boundaries, which is all Spencer needs to hear to make her write it down in her dayplanner. Oh yeah, that's going on the calendar with a vengeance.

Noel comes on into Fitz's room smiling so brightly and beautifully and chirping so gaily that you might for a second think it's possibly not Aria that he's so darn jealous of. And just when you think he's the perfect boy in every single way, he blackmails Fitz to give him a better grade on his paper, and then awkwardly crosses out the C on the paper and writes an A. In a sort of anarchy-symbol way where the crosstie goes out on both sides.

(So if you've seen anybody write an A like that, send your guesses along with a $5 money order to PO Box 5309, Springfield IL, to enter the ALL OF THESE PEOPLE KILLED ALISON & ARE ALSO A Sweepstakes, offer not valid in the US.)

I am so sad that my perfect Noel has feet of murder clay. I mean, I realize that this show is about what to be teen is really like and the subjective reality and alienation and obsession with your own secrets and feeling like you're the only one who ever X, and so all the guys on this show have to be pedophiles and cheaters and psychos, because being a teenage girl is to be the proud owner of girl sexuality, the most important and most denigrated commodity in the universe, and honestly it seems like all guys are gross sex monsters a lot of the time because a lot of the time they are, which is the entire reason Twilight even exists. But another part of the teen girl bummer is dating the gay guy. So: I say you take two wrongs, make a right, stop with the blackmail, give Noel a boyfriend. Hell, give him Matt Dallas and we can get the whole conversation over with inside of ten minutes.

Aria drops by Fitz's for at least the second meeting of the day, and he tells her about the blackmail I recently related to you, and Ezra tells her that her gay boyfriend is really putting a crimp in things. Aria's immediately all about fixing things or talking Noel out of it, because who needs one half-boyfriend when you can have two, but then Jenna! Appears!

And is spooooky, about nothing really, she needs something signed, and then she smiles and she's like, "Sorry to interrupt!" I love how the main ongoing mystery of this entire show is whether or not the creepy blind girl is even blind. It would somehow be more interesting to learn she were faking it than to watch her fuck her brother, somehow. Anyway, Ezra Fitz is really good-looking from certain angles and then other times, head on, his eyes are really far apart and it makes me want to tip him over in a field, so I watched an interview with the actor who plays him, and he is fantastic. Total charmer. That like .3 points off for the eyes, he gets back with interest when you see him speak.

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Pretty Little Liars

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