Pretty Little Liars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
It Gets Better, Then It Gets Worse

Later. Party. Hanna can't even take her eyes off Noel Kahn at her own Spleen Party, that's how gorge... Oh, got it. He ran her over with a car. It is weird that he is at her party. Of course, he didn't do that, so the rest of this episode of people staring at Noel and him smiling super-cute and super-creepy at them is more of a visual thing than a step forward. Oh, and I guess he's a bit creepier now that he's blackmailing Ezra Fitz. Except here's my deal on that: Somebody needs to blackmail Ezra Fitz. Or just turn him in for no reward at all. For the rewarding feeling of being a good citizen.

There are plenty of situations where things are blurry: Aria is not one of those situations. She's not old for her age, she's immature for literally any age, and this reflects well on absolutely nobody. The reason in real life guys like Ezra go for age-appropriate empty vague quirky hipster dreamgirls like Aria is precisely because they have no personality besides being terribly interesting, so they can project all their shit onto the girl, Scott Pilgrim style, without getting any blowback. The Perfect Girl is perfect because she's a five-foot mirror to a door in the boy, and if the girl is lame she'll never understand that's a problem, or even notice. But doing that to a child is twice as gross, because they're not even done cooking yet.

"B-26"? How about you wait until she B-26.

As Lucas enters, looking spooky, Noel finds some red cups* adjacent to the cash lasagna -- which really should probably go somewhere, don't you think? -- and Hanna has a flashback to him drinking from a similar red cup at a similar party before Alison disappeared: Somehow, before Iceland, Alison schemed to break up Noel and his girlfriend so that Aria could have him. It didn't work, and she doesn't tell what she did, but I'm sure it was awesome. Noel knew that Alison was to blame, which is interesting. He was also beautiful, if you were wondering, in the past. Also, Aria was wearing the pigtails with pink stripes in them. As if anyone could ever love her: "I did it for Aria. I only kill when we need food! And when I'm bored." They don't even register how awesome that was, because amazing things come out of her mouth at all times.

*(Yes I know it's blue, but they're called red cups. It's a blue red cup. Little outfit name of SOLO? Makes red cups in all colors? They make beer taste better? Or at least taste like kissing frat guys? You better be glad I'm not drunk, or I would be educating you about this in a much more intense and repetitive fashion.)

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Pretty Little Liars

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