Pretty Little Liars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
It Gets Better, Then It Gets Worse

Hanna is so happy to see Lucas -- last time was weeks ago when he ran away screaming from her hospital room -- but he is just drunk and waving back and forth and being weird. He tells her he's no stranger to drinking, and is just real stand-offish and rude and when Hanna asks him to come back to their study dates, he either lies just to be mean or has been on quite the downturn since we saw him last: "I'm kind of off studying at the moment. Been there, done that. This semester, I plan to go from Honor Roll to toilet roll." Hanna warns him about the Mona Punch, I'ma call it Munch, and he calls Hanna Mom and acts like he's been drinking his whole life and it's just douche, douche, douche, all the way down. He starts shit with Sean that is so nerdy and hard to look at that I'm bleep-bloop ...Emily's front porch. Whew.

Maya's like, "I am so sorry I didn't eat the shrimp and then vomit just to make a good impression." Emily says that Dad is totally into her, of course, and that Mom liked her dress, or that she wore a dress, or something along those lines. "Wait till she sees the crease in my jeans," Maya jokes, and I'm sorry. I know the thing to do is hate Maya, but I just never have. Yeah, she looks older than a teenager, like most TV teenagers, but also she's gorgeous and a good actress and a goddamn Vampire Slayer and now she's a hug-crazy lesbian on the tied-for-best show on ABC Family, I mean... What else? She's great. So Maya's exhausted from the pressure and doesn't want to go to Hanna's after all, so once Emily's mom accidentally and awkwardly interrupts their goodnight kiss with a gift for Maya's parents (pleasebeaBiblepleasebeaBible), and gets the usual giant Maya hug from her, what's a girl to do besides... Roam over to see Toby Cavanaugh.

I love that Emily still wants to stick up for Toby and be his friend; the same way Aria will always try to negotiate with or defend Noel; the same way Hanna puts up with Lucas's bullshit; the same way that Spencer... Nope. Can't think of a one. Has not yet slapped the teeth out of her bitch sister's face is not really the same thing, and Melissa just married a child-fucker, so hers is coming. Spencer needs a creepy stalker buddy she can turn to whenever she wants to be brutally rebuffed and/or spied upon. I nominate Alex, so she can get a real boyfriend.

But most of all, I love it with Emily because Toby is so very troubled and she is in no danger at all and, I guess she's the Sweet One? But it's flattering, in a way, that they gave her such an inordinately fucked-up woobie to show it off with. You know? Like, your regular weirdos all over town just are not weird enough to show how truly vast, and open, and compassionate, is Emily Fields' big gay heart.

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Pretty Little Liars

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