I will say, though, that for some of us the greatest wisdom in this episode is to be found in this scene, where we discuss the fact that thoughts and fears and deception have a physical weight and physical consequences. I had myself some ulcers and some powerful GERD in the years leading up to figuring out I was gay, and if I were the kind of person who was able to keep a secret -- or a single damned thought quiet, obviously -- I can only assume that staying mum after that point would have increased them.
But it's a tricky thing to approach, from the Before side, because it centers on Thoughts You Can't Think. If you find yourself coming close to a thought you can't think, you will reroute your processes just to stay safe. And a huge part of growing up is learning to feel yourself pulling away from the thoughts you can't think, because we go through much of our early lives just following the mental path of least resistance. Some of us live our whole lives that way, unexamined and under the thumb of ulcers and mood swings and irrational fears and miscommunications.
You have to actually train yourself to look at that stuff, turn over the rock and see the grody underneath, do the Alison thing, do the disclosure thing -- silence the internalized voices of everybody else's judgment and disgust, because they're imaginary anyway, and realize that you don't have to tell anybody the thing until it's time -- if you ever want that ulcer to go away.
Because what the ulcer is telling you is, "This is how much it hurts to avoid the thought you can't think." And what the ulcer means is, "Nobody's watching, you're safe in here to think whatever thoughts you want and nobody will know." And what the ulcer wants more than anything is to go away, so your body stops hurting from the fear, because there is nothing inside you that you need to be afraid of. It's all you. It's all pieces of you that you're allowed to understand and know; it's all pieces of you that come together when you learn to love yourself completely.
Liars: Discuss Emily's options, even though she's already made up her mind, as though she's not in the room.
Emily: "Guys. This part is over. Move on."
Spencer moves on, all the way out into the hospital, to find the hospital pathologist so she can steal Alison's autopsy report and see if she died from a hockey stick to the head. Wren immediately finds her.
Wren: "Spencer! Your mate is on the second story, or what you Yanks call the third floor. Shall we take the lift, or the apples and pears?"
Spencer: "What are you ever talking about?"
Wren, like she's never been on an elevator before: "Looks like we're going for a ride!"
Spencer: "Hey, what's that one floor that is lit up all green like the Matrix or that one time I visited you at the hospital to grill you about the drugs Melissa wanted for her corpse husband?"
Wren: "Pafology, Morgue, Kitchen, Laundry, Radiology. Fancy a curry takeaway? Oi can do up a nice English breakfast if you loik."
Spencer: "I just want you to look away for like one second so I can sneak away and dress up like a candy striper and break into the Morgue. Look over there! Etchings of schoolboys getting spanked by upperclassmen."
Wren: "Wotcher! Every Englishman's secret Kryptonoit!"