What a whirlwind! Aria calls a meetup so she can explain to the other Liars about how Ezra is secretly a journalist and not A. Since this doesn't make any sense whatsoever, they agree to pretend she knows what she's talking about, in case she starts screaming. Next day, she storms into his classroom and acts a mess, then goes around the school like Carrie White acting nuts, then goes to Ezra's apartment and just wrecks shop on that place -- which was fucking amazing -- before confirming that Ezra's book about the Liars is still getting published, so she finishes off her day by going to the Principal to tattle on him for statutory rape.
Hanna's like, "You need to think about the actual consequences of what you are doing here, and how Ezra is going to jail and you are going to be even more famous of a Lolita than the time with the laxbros," but of course Aria is just more interested in burning everything the fuck down, and it is a beautiful thing. (Less beautiful: Letting Aria dramatically burn parts of the paper-trail stuff they stole from Fitz's apartment that would really come in handy for like a million reasons, but I guess she's being a good friend?)
Not content with just counseling Aria on the way compassion and consequences work, Hanna decides to intervene on Travis's father (the wrecker)'s behalf -- after the information Wilden was using to blackmail him comes to light -- by using her friendship with Gabe Holbrook, who says he's not going to follow her orders and then does exactly what she told him to do. So basically Hanna has two boyfriends now, just as her original boyfriend's show is getting cancelled, which maybe now she gets three boyfriends. Which is exactly what Hanna deserves, in my opinion: All the boyfriends.
Paige gets her back up about Emily telling white lies to keep her out of the Alison/A orbit, so of course she stalks Emily and takes away the Alison money and also Emily's agency like she always does. Finally there is an ultimatum by which either Emily quits the whole being a Liar gig altogether, or else Paige will go to the cops. Which is a good idea and she should do that anyway, but still sticks in my (and Emily's) craw for the reason that either you respect me or you don't, but either way an ultimatum = instant breakup.
Emily doesn't come out and say it, but I'm guessing after Paige's wildcard move in the end -- dropping off Ali's money in a cop car with a note explaining that Ali's not dead -- there is major trouble ahead. It's not as crazy as I was expecting, and Paige is totally right about everything, but there's something to connecting the dots: Drowning, date rape, ultimatums and finally going over Emily's head without knowing all the facts -- and doing it because you're pissy she won't give you all the facts -- are all forms of the same basic thing, which is that controlling a person (a traumatized victim of A's controlling abuse, note; a girl with robot-controlled bars on her windows) just "because you know better" is denying their personhood altogether.
Toby and the Hastingses pull more interventions on Spencer, which go about as well as you can imagine. To avoid rehab, Spencer promises to kick the habit on her own. Not surprisingly, she is a champ about this, but because Ezra's evidence brings back up the old theory that Spencer attacked Ali the night she "died," and adds it to the new information that Spencer wasn't actually in charge of Spencer that summer, Spencer becomes obsessed with figuring out her own part in that dramatic night. This involves acting like a total drug addict, attacking Mrs. DiLaurentis in her house, bugging Peter about his least favorite subject, and jerking Toby around like a cat toy on a rubber band. So she and Aria are both Winning at this time.
Next Week: Emily tries to figure out the Ezra/Mona situation, putting her I think back in the Anita position of loving-the-monster she's always so good at. Holbrook (and Tanner!) approach Hanna about the new lead (guessing it's Paige's whole deal), Aria hooks up with hot randoms, Spencer goes jogging and remembers the time she murdered Alison DiLaurentis, and Mona finally tells the Liars something important.
Spencer's little more than a buzzing vibration in the air at this point, but one that remembers dimly a time when her fugue states were the key to the mystery; that brief time she thought maybe she killed the girl that never died. Hanna's getting over Caleb with the helpful friendship of her two male friends Travis and Gabe Holbrook, who are her friends. Emily's still trying to figure out what to do with Ali's lasagna money. Ezra was A, but then it turned out actually he is Truman Capote's answer to Nancy Drew, which threw Aria for a fucking loop.
Liars: "So this book of Ezra's that necessitated stalking us for years, did you read it?"
Aria: "...I mean, I scanned for my name obviously."
The headlines are these: He knew who all the Liars were, and briefly dated Alison, but he didn't try to kill her. He just took advantage of her death to shoot for literary superstardom. What else did he say, as they slalomed awkwardly down that mountain together in the night?
Aria: "He thinks one of us did it. I thought that was kind of interesting."
Spencer: "I think that too. Possibly."
Aria: "I didn't bother reading that part to find out who he thought it was, though."
Liars: "THAT'S SO ARIA."
Spencer: "Or maybe he's doing that to pin it on us. Investigating his own..."
Aria: "Let's not lose track of what's important here..."
Liars: "Lemme guess..."
Aria: "Me! The part about me. This means he never loved me! He was just using me!"
Liars: "As opposed to most statutory rapists, who respect their underage poon. And you're saying this is why that Ravenswood apartment, with the giant Alisons everywhere staring at you sometimes literally, with the ledgerbook where he prissily wrote out checks to CeCe Drake so she would dress up like Little Red Riding Hood and roam the streets, that was all just..."
Liars: "And now he's using us so he can get his big finale where she's not even dead. I would love to read a murder mystery like that, wouldn't you? And by the way I just totally wasted your weekend, The End."
Hanna: "Speaking of CeCe, do you think this means Alison was the one eating Cheetos and staring up at Emily's crotch under Jessica's house this whole time?"