The Montgomerys finally come clean to Aria about their sneaking around, and a reconciliation seems imminent... Until Aria sends a flirty, G-rated text to Ella instead of Ezra. Her mom thinks it's cute, and backs off teasing her the second Aria starts twitching, but Byron -- being a suspicious perv by nature -- is not so sure they can let it slide. What was a marriage in repair becomes yet another Cold War with the kids in the middle, once Ella points out that Byron is a cheater and they still haven't discussed it, but all hope is not lost.
In other weirder news, Aria continues to be pretty much adorable, and in even weirder news than that, I actually missed Ezra, who was MIA this week. I refuse to believe that we have to choose between Ella and Ezra for our guest-stars du jour, no matter how much fiscal sense it makes.
Eternally Virgin Sean decides -- in the classic story of Girl Meets Beard -- to go after Eternally Lesbian Paige, which weirds Emily out no question, even though clearly they are the perfect high school couple. Not to mention rampantly realistic. But after their date Paige shows up at Emily's house on a DL hunt that ends up being a wonderful little Classically 2011 gay-teen scene: "I didn't come out of the closet, I fell out," Emily says, "On my face."
When you talk about gay teens on TV and role models it's usually pretty disappointing because either they're sexless or they become crazies or they are on Glee and manage both, but Emily Fields is such an astounding role model for us all that the gay thing -- like Eric van der Woodsen, and the many Degrassi students that came before -- just seems like the extra little perfect on top.
Hanna's still in the pink cloud of post-sexual bliss/denial when she finds a cute jeweled owl pendant in Caleb's stuff, even after the Liars overhear him talking to a mysterious person about how his entire stint on the show was a setup to get closer to her. Eventually Spence sees Jenna computing (?) and then using the necklace as a USB key. Despite Caleb's fairly believable story that this was supposed to be a fairly short con on Jenna's dime and things changed for him before they did it, Hanna has in short order kicked Caleb out, and slapped the shit out of Jenna.
Two remarkable things there: One, she has eyeballs and we have seen them, and Two, the world doesn't end just because Jenna dropped her giant sunglasses. (Three: Jenna cries and seems honestly hurt by this, which helps with my suspicion that she's either been working against A this entire time, or is the Good A if there are more than one.) In the end, A sends Hanna a smashed candy heart reading HANNA, along with some superglue, because A is absolutely the best.
But the meat of the story this week is Spencer, having become a POI in the Alison case, finally realizes she's the new Toby, so he walks her through how to be a pariah-slash-accused murderer, and eventually they hold hands by the fire and are darling. Ian is stepping up his intimidation game in a whole new way, vaguely threatening her and vaguely encouraging her to run away. Spencer 101: Now she will never be running away, motherfucker.
That night, Spencer's wonderful-as-usual mom comes home with yet more evidence: That tortured sweater that has been all over town since the murder has left fibers in Spencer's one of the tortured name bracelets that everybody wears. I don't see how this is any more damning than the actual insane shit Spencer pulls on the reg, but it's enough to make her mom give her a hug.
Two weeks left -- but in better news, the show's coming back in June! We bitch about these ABC Family short seasons, but they getcha back eventually.
Next week: Mysterious storage space, some kind of Stars Hollow/Mystic Falls civic celebration, and possibly Spencer finds herself trapped in The Cell with Vincent D'Onofrio. No news on the whereabouts of Noel Kahn, whose disappearance is starting to rival Alison's, in my honest opinion. Just the sheer apathy of these Rosewood people.
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Well, being named a Person Of Interest in the ongoing vanishment investigation of Alison DiLaurentis has really affected Spencer Hastings' general swerve. She know longer understands algebra, for example.
Emily: "Honey, math is hard."
Spencer: "No, I am hard. Algebra is a jerk."
Emily: "Algebra is very abstract. Like you're supposed to find X, but who knows who X is? And sometimes X sends you mean text messages and sets you up with the cops."
Spencer: "Exactly. I used to hunt X, with all my powers, and assign X to random variables, and yell, and stomp around all the time, but now I am X! And I know I am not X! x != x!"
Spencer's mom -- having recently become a person, just like the rest of the formerly evil moms on this show -- sits her down for a long talk about how she looks and talks exactly like Olivia Benson -- before she fucked up her melting face -- and also: The cops are going through all your shit with their search warrant. They are even looking at the barn, and Spencer's bedroom. Reason having deserted Spencer along with math, she cannot understand what this is all about. Mostly her mom just scowls, as usual.
Meanwhile, Aria is using her detective skills to uncover the fact that Byron is, as usual, lying about everything. Specifically this morning, her dad is lying about how Ella is coming over for coffee, even though there are two used coffee cups sitting right there: "She's coming for coffee? So the kitchen table exists in another dimension where that already happened?" I love Aria now, don't you? Anyway, he stammers and lies and acts weird, and meanwhile Aria's face is slowly lighting up like once-yearly dawn in Iceland, and Ella walks in full of gawky lies as well, and finally they come clean.
Aria: "YOU ARE DOING IT!"
Mike: "What is everybody doing in the kitchen?"
Ella: "Nobody knows for sure."
Mike: "I am so over you bastards. Tell me when you decide what's going on with my family."
Aria: "Here's what's going on: We are going to make dinner for you, like it's Mother's Day breakfast time. You will sit politely at the table while your children focus their willpower on making you ignore all the problems with your marriage. We will triumph."
Byron: "As long as nobody mentions the fact that I was fucking a student, I see this working out."
Ella: "Yeah, that sounds super likely."
Meanwhile, Hanna and Caleb are also pretending to be married. Ashley's not like a regular mom, she's a cool mom, so she tells Caleb when the shower is unoccupied and they all zoom briskly around the house like a well-oiled machine. Hanna finds what first seems to be a maxipad in Caleb's backpack, but which turns out in fact to be a pretty gorgeous, Claire's kind of necklace, in the form of an owl with jewels on it.