The Liars that are left at school, Emily and Aria, convene to do some intense worrying near the lockers. They decide that probably Jenna sent Caleb after Hanna because she was the only one that wasn't seeing anybody, which is... Which makes no sense at all, because Spencer only dates Melissa's boyfriends and the labor class, Aria only dates secret olds, and Emily dated Maya for one hot minute. Well, but I see what they mean: Hanna is kind of the weakest link no matter what the standard, and she's definitely the only one who gets desperately crazy about boys and self-esteem and stuff like that.

Aria thinks about getting a beard so she can have two boyfriends, because that worked so well with Noel Kahn (IT DID! IT WORKED AWESOME! DO THAT AGAIN, ARIA!), but of course just in Emily's line of sight, as Aria's spouting this nonsense, is Paige and Sean, having a jock blast, and Emily's like, "Yeah, we should all lie about everything all the time and be huge fucking liars. Great idea." Beards are a sore subject for Miss Fields this week. Aria's like, "B'scuse me?" And of course, Emily immediately apologizes for having an opinion of any kind, because it came out so ugly.

Mrs. Hastings continues to be fabulous with Spencer, once she gets home. No Toby in sight, but that incredible red-leather club chaise in Spencer's room is sexier than he is, not to mention the exciting news that Spencer has the same white chenille throw from IKEA that is currently warming yours truly's lower half. I love having things in common with Spencer! I only wish that chaise was one.

Mom: "You've got a good shot at having the search warrant thrown out. Judge Enwright is a notorious rubber-stamp and he probably didn't even read it. Whatever they find, we can get tossed out."
Spencer: "Why me? Why always me? Is it because I'm constantly pointing the finger and getting the cops involved in my imaginary shit?"
Mom, verbatim: "Listen: Police thinking is like water. It runs downhill and travels the path of least resistance."

What a good mom! No wonder Spencer rules. So basically, once Spencer told Young Hot Gay Cop that she dated Ian, that was all they needed to get their dots in a new random order and start working the case again. Spencer admits that Alison used to enrage her, but of course she would never hurt her. Mom knows that's true, and they hug and it's very awesome, because what Spencer needs most of all is a hug from her mom that lasts about a whole year.