Pretty Little Liars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Destroy Everything You Touch Today

Where Ella sends her regrets, thanks to the fight Mike thinks was about Mysterious Boyfriend, but was only ever them pretending it was about that: It was about what it's always about, which is that Ella can't let go of the fight and Byron can't let go of pretending to have made up for the fight. So it looks to Mike, and to Aria, like this is all Aria's fault.

Which is another thing about this show, and the way the secrets work on this show: We're all so busy with our own shit that we assume everybody else's shit is actually our shit masquerading as their shit. If you knew all the ugliness and secrets everybody else feels like they're carrying around, you would know that nine times out of ten, nobody's watching you and nobody thinks you're awful because they aren't even looking at you: Just their own shit.

X never equals X, because everybody has their own X. We just think our X is their problem, because from the outside everything looks fine, so clearly we're the weird one or the gross one or the dumb one or the awful one. You think that you're just barely hiding the fact that you are tainted or sick or scary, and you wait to be found out for the fraud that you are, but it's never going to happen. You can be fooled into thinking that the entire world knows exactly what it's doing and you're just the fuckup who doesn't understand it, the world, but the secret truth is that everybody feels that way all the time, so you should cut yourself a break and work on getting better and awesomer all the time, instead of just dog-paddling along with the water up to your neck, the way we usually do. We're all pretty little liars.

Spencer walks downstairs, right into a horrible little moment with Ian, who is drinking scotch on the couch like a fat spider in its web and sort of vacantly grinning at her with his eyes. He's like a diseased cat.

Ian: "Everybody was so worried! We thought you might have run away!"
Spencer, verbatim: "Thank you for your concern?"
Ian: "It would be totally understandable if you did run away, though."
Spencer: "Ian. Shut the fuck up. About everything. Forever."
Ian: "What I'm saying is, maybe you should run away."
Spencer: "What I'm saying is, you are going down in some way. I'm being vague because I have no idea what my next move is going to be, and the cops are up my ass."

Ian: "Yeah, well then what I'm saying is that you're either on Team Ian or I will see you fry."
Spencer: "Okay but I guess what I'm saying is, you just convinced me not to run away, just because Fuck You."
Ian: "I see how I walked into that one. I forgot you are 100% badass."
Spencer: "Yeah, that was like the one thing I needed to hear. Thanks, actually. For being a gross motherfucker."
Ian: "I know when I'm beaten, so here are some random threats while I make a hasty retreat."
Spencer: "Holy... Did I just win one? Spencer Power!"

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Pretty Little Liars




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