Pretty Little Liars

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Destroy Everything You Touch Today

Meanwhile, Hanna and Caleb are also pretending to be married. Ashley's not like a regular mom, she's a cool mom, so she tells Caleb when the shower is unoccupied and they all zoom briskly around the house like a well-oiled machine. Hanna finds what first seems to be a maxipad in Caleb's backpack, but which turns out in fact to be a pretty gorgeous, Claire's kind of necklace, in the form of an owl with jewels on it.

Hanna remembers how they did it in the woods and how she is no longer a virgin, and that bizarre owl that kept screeching while they were doing it, and assumes that the owl is a gift for her, as in, Remember that time we did it. She snaps a photo.

Aria: "[An owl, as in S]wooping down to carry off their prey?"
Hanna: "Weird, that's exactly what I said. Right before we did it, and then the oxytocin kicked in, and now we are in love."
Emily: "Have you continued doing it? Having sexual intercourse, I mean."
Hanna: "It's a timing issue. What with him living in my house and going to school with me and generally spending most of our day in proximation, we just don't have the opportunity. But you bet your ass I'm going to solve that one."

On the other side of the lunchroom, Paige and Sean are all up in each other's healthy snacks. The best exchange maybe of the episode and you can barely hear it:

One of them: "Are you team captain?"
The other one: "Yes I am. Also, I'm super gay."
The first one: "OMG, me too!"
The other one: "We should totally date. But never, ever touch each other."
Both of them: "This is workable!"

Aria: "Oh Lord. Hanna is going to hit the roof."
Emily, secretly: "Just because I told her I didn't want to hit it downlow doesn't mean she's allowed to date the other closeted gays of this school."
Hanna: "I think that's great! Sean is a good guy, and Paige hasn't drowned anybody or ridden her bicycle into oncoming traffic in nearly two weeks. Plus: Owls! And doing it!"

Emily, secretly: "I didn't even think about how this might bother you, because I know you, and I know that nothing ever bothers you, because you are emotion-free. However, thank you for letting this look on my face be about something other than my insane girlfriend dating your bland boyfriend."
Hanna: "You're so sweet, everybody! Let's talk more about this owl."

Spencer arrives looking wild-eyed, and they talk about how the cops went through her shit and even took some stuff away. Hanna squeals in fear that they took her Tory Burches, and Aria nearly slaps her. This is no time to act like yourself. Spencer further tells everybody that they will probably get searched too, which causes them -- the four most paranoid people in the history of time -- to get super paranoid.

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Pretty Little Liars

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