Pretty Little Liars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Destroy Everything You Touch Today

Spencer, coming off a long internal monologue: "What's it like to run away?"
Toby: "Cold."

Spencer tells him a story about how when she was about seven, she and Melissa were going at it and her parents, of course, took Melissa's side, so she packed a tuna salad sandwich and hit the road. She sat through Beauty & The Beast (she doesn't say it by name, but the timeframe and the parallels to the Spencer/Toby storyline make it pretty clear I think), ate her sandwich, got lonely and went home. Where, of course, nobody noticed she was gone. Toby asks sweetly that she talk to him first if she ever feels like doing that again, and then silently holds her hand. Spencer is having a fucking rough one, y'all.

Heading to the slasher-suspense thing this show does so well -- and so infrequently that it never loses its power -- Byron finds himself in Aria's room, being nosy. He picks up the Anderson book and flips through it... But doesn't look at the inscription. Ella finds him and starts up with him about not prying into Aria's life, considering she has explicitly asked that they give her some privacy right now, and things totally devolve into You Cheated On Me hell in about two seconds.

As usual, Ella is pretty much completely in the right, and Byron is doing his typical Willow Rosenberg crap of, "Why can't we all just pretend my terrible behavior never happened?" Which is, of course, the exact moment Mike comes upstairs and just shoots them a hateful look about how they need to stop jerking him around. Guess dinner's off.

The Liars that are left at school, Emily and Aria, convene to do some intense worrying near the lockers. They decide that probably Jenna sent Caleb after Hanna because she was the only one that wasn't seeing anybody, which is... Which makes no sense at all, because Spencer only dates Melissa's boyfriends and the labor class, Aria only dates secret olds, and Emily dated Maya for one hot minute. Well, but I see what they mean: Hanna is kind of the weakest link no matter what the standard, and she's definitely the only one who gets desperately crazy about boys and self-esteem and stuff like that.

Aria thinks about getting a beard so she can have two boyfriends, because that worked so well with Noel Kahn (IT DID! IT WORKED AWESOME! DO THAT AGAIN, ARIA!), but of course just in Emily's line of sight, as Aria's spouting this nonsense, is Paige and Sean, having a jock blast, and Emily's like, "Yeah, we should all lie about everything all the time and be huge fucking liars. Great idea." Beards are a sore subject for Miss Fields this week. Aria's like, "B'scuse me?" And of course, Emily immediately apologizes for having an opinion of any kind, because it came out so ugly.

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Pretty Little Liars




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