Byron: "I can't help thinking I've done something wrong. Anyways, Meredith is going to be working at your high school now. She got the job."
Aria: "That is the living end! Who's gonna tell mom?"
Byron: "For reasons you'll understand when you're older, I would like to take point on delivering this news to my ex-wife. Don't you worry about that little 'burden.'"
This shit was only like an amuse bouche for how WTF this episode was going to get. Emily and Cousin Nate hang out at the boathouse and reminisce about how absolutely fucking horrific Maya's interests and behaviors reliably were.
Emily: "I taught her how to make these little origami boats. We'd come out here at night with paper and birthday candles, make them by the dozens... Then light the candles and watch them float away. We were kind of stuck for things to do, being such boring people."
Nate: "We used to do the same thing, with paper balloons. Air, water, fire... Maya liked all the elements."
Emily: "That's true. She was really into elements."
Nate: "So your blind friend stood me up."
Emily: "Yeah, I engineered that with a horrible new friend."
Nate: "Do you ever think about murdering people all the time?"
Nate: "I sure do."
Aria: "Okay, marine, drop and give me twenty!"
Diane: "Um, hello little girl. I am not a marine."
Aria: "Hi there! Sorry about that little sex joke. Ezra likes it when I humiliate his masculinity by calling him that."
Diane: "TMI, dear. I am Ezra's mother. I am the scariest."
Aria: "Nice to meet you, Mrs. Fitz."
Diane: "...Gerald. Your boyfriend's last name is actually Fitzgerald."
Aria: "That checks out, sure."
Ezra: "Aria, meet my horrible mother. She was just leaving. By force, if necessary."
Diane, verbatim: "I'm so glad to finally meet the mysterious girl with the lyrical name!"
Aria: "Well, hold onto that feeling."
Diane: "So what happens next is, you come to this art benefit at the Osgood Museum."
Ezra: "My mother's honorary trail boss. But we are not coming to that shit."
Aria: "Yeah, we are. This is what happens in my princess fantasy where our relationship could ever possibly last. I meet your family. They love me. They overlook the way I dress myself. Happily ever after."