Pretty Little Liars
Stolen Kisses

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
Til The Riot's Gone

Aria: "I'm slowly learning to think that may be the case."
Bart: "I'm convinced my mother is stealing my pizza rolls."
Aria: "I have to go, okay?"


Spencer: "Watch those werewolf fingers go!"
Caleb: "Stop eating pretzels and check out this Website Page."

Maya pops up, reading from "To His Coy Mistress," of course, because she's the worst ("Andy Marvell, what a marvel," that asshole says without a second thought). But something else is going on, because it's specifically the line about "time's winged chariot hurrying near." Which is about death, of course, and which she characterizes about how the mistress shouldn't waste more time -- which is a G-rated way to say it, because the actual poem is one long Friend Zone whinefest about his dick -- but also, later she says about clocks running backwards, too. Maya and time.

Funny, because she is one hundred years of age? But also sad, because of how Mona's watch was counting down the time before the chariot pulled up at Emily's house, which the coroner's report said was between ten and two, but we know was midnight.

Anyway, they get in, and Spencer and Caleb are overjoyed in a way that doesn't really come close to being kissy-time but bridges nicely their little sweater-flirt before, and the thing that happens with Wren and Hanna later. For now, we only celebrate.

Mona: "This is where I'm going to put things to keep from losing them. I'm always losing things..."

Funny, because of dementia? Or sad, because she really was losing things all the time. I would love it if we came to know Maya in the new way they're suggesting, because I can imagine throwing so much at the wall here that some of it would stick and you'd be like, "She's still Aria on steroids, but on the other hand a girl died and it's hurtful."

Maya, funny: "If you're looking at me, beware... this site is cursed!"

She throws back her head in a dumb fake laugh, so impressed with herself but also the whole thing is unconvincing. Nothing more grating than an actor pretending to laugh. Nothing, that is, besides Maya.


Aria tells Spencer about the Comstock thing, and then heads into the shindig with Ezra. They both look fantastic, needless to say, and also they are the best part of this very excellent episode. The biggest shock of all.

Eternally Ezra: "Look, it's not too late to ditch this and find a miniature golf course..."

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