Emily tries to completely out-guest all houseguests that have ever guested a house, predictably, in her new role as Ashley Marin's latest gypsy baby. It's cute and sweet and kind of sexy, because that's how Emily rolls. Hanna has no idea how much she's getting on Emily's nerves just by being herself -- dancing while homeworking, singing while thinking, learning that Caleb used to work for the Mob or something, watching her drunk parents practically do it in the living room -- so she's mostly cool, but man Emily gets annoyed fast at her new, non-Pam environment. And by "annoyed" I mean, of course, "might be committing aggravated assault before you know it."
Byron gets intense with Thieving Mikey after inviting Ezra over for drinks or dinner or something, which only causes Mike -- who has awesomely outfitted his desk with a literal rearview mirror labeled PARENTS, in response to their reckless relationship issues -- to get more intense. If you're wondering how Aria overreacts and geeks out about this Ezra invite, and the house visit that follows, I submit to you that you may not be as familiar with Aria's mess as you may think.
Add Jason DiLaurentis hanging around all the time -- attending dinners, needling Ezra about being a perv, winning her parents over, general snoopy-face -- and you've got Aria being the most interesting she's ever been. Not to mention more flashbacks to how Alison and Jason were constantly trying to murder and out-brood each other.
Ella and Ashley have a conversation about how their daughters keep getting run over by cars and framed for stuff at all times, but have difficulty moving on from their weird feelings or doing anything about it... Until Ashley gives voice to this new plot thread where Spencer's dad is the monsterest of all and probably killed all the people already, and so implemented the whole Therapy Idea to shut everybody up about whatever it is actually happened.
Spencer manages to get her dad involved in Toby's plan to skip childhood and become a highly pursued contractor, so now he's finally given Tobes the okay. Too bad a little yard work immediately turns up a mysterious hockey stick that may have been the fifteenth murder implement that took Alison down, causing Spencer's Dad to act super sketch.
For a hot second it seems like we're being protected from the unbearable truth that Spencer hockeyed Alison the fuck to death, but in the end everybody seems to agree that hiding and destroying the hockeying weapon has more to do with that time Spencer produced a trophy with rat blood on it. I.e., Rosewood PA does not need yet more manufactured proof that Spencer is out of her fucking gourd.
Thanks to Mikey Montgomery's stealsome ways and, oddly, his eye for accent objects, Aria figures out* that Garrett is involved with Jenna "Thing" Cavanaugh and her pottery of doom, and tells Spencer not to involve him in their shit. Of course, this message only arrives as Spencer's staking out the latest red herring in his cop car, which means the Liars all get to stare at various things like they're going to die, the end.
*("You stole from a blind girl!" being the optimum line of dialogue this week, especially if you imagine it spoken in Aria's most horrified possible tones.)
Mostly everybody deals with their new situations and the fact that dead Ian did not kill dead Alison, and yet the only thing anybody wants to believe is that he did. Which is how murders happen, a lot of the time, but in this case it's particularly hardcore because of A hounding those girls at all times forever... When she's not busy poisoning Emily's lotion to hilarious cha-cha music, of course. (No idea whatsoever.)
Previously: Emily was healthy in mind and spirit, because she was not yet being poisoned with intramuscular botulism. Spencer was comfortable in body, although probably not that healthy in mind if we're being completely honest. Hanna took advantage of Pam Fields's inability to live without her huzzzzbin to acquire a live-in lesbian chef, wellness coach and emotional carryall. And Aria? Well, Aria continued to contend with the embarrassment of riches that is having to choose between a drug-addicted murderer and an effete pedophile.
Liars: "Um, why are you guys sharing a bedroom? This is the most beautiful house in the entire universe, surely you can cough up an extra bedroom."
Hanna: "A, none of us like to sleep alone these days due to us being stalked and murdered by ghosts. B, some bullshit about pipes or something."
Liars: "Let's pretend Logan Reed matters, and that Garrett's been trying to find him, so that Garrett's sudden presence in this episode makes sense. Oh, and to remind everybody that it wasn't Ian's money in the first place, but an elaborate scheme probably cooked up by Garrett and Jenna Cavanaugh."
Liars: "You know what makes no sense, actually, is that Garrett still has the ten grand we got out of Ian the night he tried to kill Spencer. Why on earth would that be true?"
One thing for sure: If they get too quiet and unstirred-up, A is going to get bored and come after them and stomp at them like an anthill so they will run around and wreck shop like usual. One might think that the amazing fashion show debacle might have calmed A down, but if one thought that, one would be ignoring how part of A's whole wonderful thing is how she is totally haphazard and insane.
Liar: "This isn't just about making us look like bitches anymore, is it?"
Liar: "No. It's about how A and the Killer are the same person."
Liar: "For sure?"
Liar: "Um, no. Have you not seen this show before?"
A box of candy arrives from A, with a note thanking Hanna and Emily for moving in together and making it that much more convenient to fuck with them, because they are the weak links in certain ways, because Spencer is engaged 100% with the chaos of her insane mind and Aria is engaged 100% with the full-time project of Being Aria Montgomery.
Hanna: "Pssh. It's not even good candy."
Q: Did you know that her name isn't even Jenna Cavanaugh, but Jenna Marshall? That Toby's dad is Mr. Cavanaugh and obviously Jenna doesn't have the same last name?
A: Honestly, I was not aware of that. But I don't see a compelling reason to stop calling her Jenna Cavanaugh. It's just such a delightful name for Blind Justice. Plus, having different last names makes it easier to remember that they're not actually related, which inhibits the wild hilarity of Jenna's ongoing coercion and rape of her brother.