THE FAST & THE FURIOUS: MONTGOMERY DRIFT
Ella & Byron: "Let's throw a party and pretend we're a family! What a perfect way to show everybody how dangerously dysfunctional we are!"
Mike, rushing out: "I'm going to steal a gun and kill everybody in this family, okay?"
Ella & Byron: "I worry that he is not eating a nutritionally healthy breakfast."
Aria: "Which of these age-inappropriate outfits should I wear to your house party of grown-up intellectuals? Keep in mind that my delusions of precocity will put me front and center for any conversation you attempt to have."
Ella: "You look great in everything, because you're so gorgeous. Which is saying a lot, because you normally dress like something from The Dark Crystal."
True, true and true.
Ella: "It's so funny how all of our grownup friends have names that sound made-up, like they are in Witness Protection."
Byron: "In addition to the Sleestaks, the Wolfriders and Hugo Glen Coco, I'm thinking of inviting Ezra Fitz. Since he's not teaching Aria anymore it's not a conflict of interest to have him at the house... Like we've already done dozens of times."
Aria: "Ezra who? Oh, right. Kinda done with that."
Ella & Byron: "We'll tell him to bring a date! Male or female. Or child."
Aria: "...I cannot wait to invite Jason to this party in a hot second."
THE INVINCIBLE MARIN KITCHEN
Emily: "Man, I love cooking."
Hanna: "Man, I have a complicated relationship with food."
Emily, verbatim/awesome: "My Mom always says not to wait until you're leaving to say thank you."
Hanna: "How's your mom doing?"
Emily: "Being with the male head of her household has done wonders for her sense of existence. She was fading away like an unwatered ficus but now, thanks to the magic powers of his patriarchal phallus, she has sprung to new and vibrant life."
Hanna: "Emily, you seem discomfited. Are you by any chance being secretly poisoned with botulism? Have you been tested for Diseases?"
HASTINGS PUDDING SOCIETY
Spencer is dressed like Stephanie from Newhart, in a one-piece knit dress -- fuchsia and black stripes, thanks for asking -- and big gold belt. She looks like the receptionist for a tanning spa that is actually a front for sex workers.
Spencer: "Dad, here's what you're going to do. Hire Toby, the untested and monumentally creepy underage dude next door, to raze the Barn of Death and create a water feature or something in the backyard."
Peter, for no reason: "Okay."