Jason: "I also ride bikes. I rode mine in Hawaii. See, I don't know if I've mentioned it in the last three milliseconds, but I used to be an addict of this drug called marijuana. So I went to Hawaii, where there are no potheads, and I rode my bike in circles until I became the fascinating person that I am now."
Aria: "Was that the doorbell? But all my boyfriends are already here..."
NOEL KAHN! NOEL KAHN! NOEL KAHN! NOEL KAHN! NOEL KAHN!
Cops: "Hey Aria, we found your little brother stockpiling weaponry in an attempt to kill our entire fucking town. Are you parents home?"
Ella & Byron: "Officers, thanks for coming to our party!"
Cops: "Montgomerys, your son was discovered in front a shrine with about sixty candles in front of it, praying urgently to what he calls the God of Destruction for a swift and vast blackness to consume your family and then our town."
Ella & Byron: "And you should see his Geography grades from this six weeks!"
Aria, grabbing her moment: "Showtime, Pretentiousness!"
Ella & Byron: "Aria, as the most precocious twit that ever lived, do you think you can host this party of your father's tenured coworkers and your many boyfriends?"
Aria: "It's what I was born to do. Take your time."
Ella & Byron: "It shouldn't take too long. We'll get him from the police station, take him out for ice cream, and then your dad will get suddenly and disturbingly violent with him, and we'll be right back. Don't start the party games without us!"
PETER & TOBY, PART II
Peter, once again jumping out of the darkness: "Hey Toby, sorry about how I was totally scary and freakish w/r/t to the hockey stick."
Ibid.: "[One hundred lies.]"
Toby: "I am Toby Cavanaugh. I scarcely noticed your behavior was even odd, until you said that."
Peter: "You didn't tell Spencer about the hockey stick, did you?"
Toby: "Tell my girlfriend that her dad forcibly took a murder weapon away from me in her own yard? Why would I do that?"
Peter: "Did she freak out on you or act like somebody who killed her best friend and then forgot about it?"
Toby: "I mean, she acted like Spencer..."
Ezra & Jason: "Wow, the party sure emptied out fast once your mortified parents had to leave because their child was in jail."
Aria: "It's their fault for attempting to have lives. Now, I was just about to show you my performance art dance piece Two Feathers For The Fallen, which if you recall was a protest piece regarding our country's treatment of..."
Ezra & Jason: (Begin edging toward the door.)