Apparently something has changed, because Jenna has decided to come out of the closet about her sightedness and throw herself a big birthday party in the bargain, with a Wonderland theme. (Red Queen, anyone?) Hanna must regret, because she's still flipping out about Caleb dumping her and because she gets roped into working at a rummage sale where Ashley picks up a total silver fox, and she finds the jacket Emily was wearing that night she went wandering the streets. Why is it in the donation box at the rummage sale, and how come we still don't know what happened between her run-in with Jenna and waking up at the gravesite? Well, it's the best part of the episode, so:
Emily decides to ask Paige out again, because that always goes so well, and gives her the flask she was drinking from That Night. She ends up having to work the Jenna party -- which is at the Brew, which yes, is the coffee shop where Toby lives, because Jenna is creepy -- so Paige comes along, accidentally roofies herself, and is such a hot mess you can't even believe it. Spinning plates, running sideways on walls like the Matrix, slam-dunking decorations, almost punching Jenna for no reason... It's glorious. It is glorious. And in the end, we learn that the flask is roofied, which explains Emily's memory issues, but that's not all...
Lucas spends the episode trying to get something out of this photo lab he just got fired from, which is owned by the lady Jenna's hired for the party, who is also Aria's old photography teacher. (Not to mention, Melanie Mayron basically played the Aria Montgomery of her time on thirtysomething.) So -- amidst a pretty great Ezria plotline about his money woes and her casual emasculation -- Aria figures out a way to take Lucas's job, get into the lady's studio, and locate... Three more of the same pills used to roofie Emily and now Paige. And where did he get them? Mona, of course.
Meanwhile, Spencer stakes out the hospital after A comes after Garrett's mother, just in case he's using her coma to pass information to the A-Team. After everybody on the show explains to her that this is how a sociopath thinks, she is of course proven right: He's using his mother's comatose body to pass messages to somebody else regarding a person named "April Rose."
All in all, worth it for the Ezra stuff -- he's got a new job, by the way -- and for Paige's utterly fantastic meltdown. However, a Wonderland theme? Please, it's Jenna Thing. More like Fangtasia!, or Lars von Trier movies. "Medieval Torture Scenarios." "Nightmares By The Sea." "Curiosities Of Taxidermy." This Wonderland shit is for babies.
Next week: The Liars set a trap for A! And it all works out, and the show ends, and everybody lives happily ever after, and Noel Kahn gets a spinoff.
Emily's very sad drinking problem led to a midnight ride with Jenna -- who's still pretending to be blind for some reason -- but more importantly led to the Liars finding another shovel. The worst of all possible crimes. She is also forming a kinship with Maya's purported cousin Nate, which presumably will lead to even more pain and drinking. Lucas is going very nuts, but it's Hanna's secret visits to Mona -- and A's hit on his mother in California -- that made Hanna let Caleb dump her. Meanwhile, Spencer's mom is in cahoots with Garrett Reynolds, who may or may not even be a real problem but most definitely is the subject of Black Swan Melissa's affections in the here and now.
Aria: "I feel like it's my fault Caleb broke up with Hanna, and she's stopped eating."
Spencer: "I'm pretty sure it was because A tried to kill his mom?"
Aria: "No, I have a strong feeling it's all about me. Anyway, who wants pizza?"
Emily: "Not me, I just want alcohol."
Spencer: "I could use a massage to deal with all this stress. You know, because of how only terrible things happen to us every second of every day."
One million cops pull up.
Spencer: "Well, I guess they found out we found a shovel..."
Aria: "No, they're going to Garrett's house. I guess because of how he killed all the..."
Emily: "-- Nope, it's his mom. She's dying or something."
Aria: "Did you guys see that hoodie over there in the yard? It looked kind of familiar. Hey, doesn't that person who endlessly tortures you guys wear a hoodie sometimes?"
Spencer: "So I guess A put Garrett's mom in the hospital. Don't worry, though, I will still find a way to blame him for everything all the time."
Ezra: "This coffee date where you managed to buy me like five meals is fishy."
Aria: "Don't worry about it, sugartits. Momma gonna take real good care of you."
Ezra: "I didn't think it was possible for me to be even more emasculated."
Aria: "So a teenage girl wearing underwear on the outside of her clothes bought you a few sandwiches, so what? What's the big deal, man? It's the '90s!"
Ezra: "I do have a savings account, Aria. I tutor the occasional homeless lesbian."
Aria: "Sorry. I just assumed spending my parents' money would bring you the joy it brings me. Hey, want to go to some horrible boutique and we can jack you up with some feathers all over you?"