Emily's very sad drinking problem led to a midnight ride with Jenna -- who's still pretending to be blind for some reason -- but more importantly led to the Liars finding another shovel. The worst of all possible crimes. She is also forming a kinship with Maya's purported cousin Nate, which presumably will lead to even more pain and drinking. Lucas is going very nuts, but it's Hanna's secret visits to Mona -- and A's hit on his mother in California -- that made Hanna let Caleb dump her. Meanwhile, Spencer's mom is in cahoots with Garrett Reynolds, who may or may not even be a real problem but most definitely is the subject of Black Swan Melissa's affections in the here and now.
Aria: "I feel like it's my fault Caleb broke up with Hanna, and she's stopped eating."
Spencer: "I'm pretty sure it was because A tried to kill his mom?"
Aria: "No, I have a strong feeling it's all about me. Anyway, who wants pizza?"
Emily: "Not me, I just want alcohol."
Spencer: "I could use a massage to deal with all this stress. You know, because of how only terrible things happen to us every second of every day."
One million cops pull up.
Spencer: "Well, I guess they found out we found a shovel..."
Aria: "No, they're going to Garrett's house. I guess because of how he killed all the..."
Emily: "-- Nope, it's his mom. She's dying or something."
Aria: "Did you guys see that hoodie over there in the yard? It looked kind of familiar. Hey, doesn't that person who endlessly tortures you guys wear a hoodie sometimes?"
Spencer: "So I guess A put Garrett's mom in the hospital. Don't worry, though, I will still find a way to blame him for everything all the time."
Ezra: "This coffee date where you managed to buy me like five meals is fishy."
Aria: "Don't worry about it, sugartits. Momma gonna take real good care of you."
Ezra: "I didn't think it was possible for me to be even more emasculated."
Aria: "So a teenage girl wearing underwear on the outside of her clothes bought you a few sandwiches, so what? What's the big deal, man? It's the '90s!"
Ezra: "I do have a savings account, Aria. I tutor the occasional homeless lesbian."
Aria: "Sorry. I just assumed spending my parents' money would bring you the joy it brings me. Hey, want to go to some horrible boutique and we can jack you up with some feathers all over you?"