We revisit the whole conversation they always have about how she constantly avoids him because he is totally sketchy, and that as usual Melissa has informed him of Spencer's every thought and move, like how at the swim meet where Paige kissed Emily she told Melissa that he was an evil murderer and such. Ian's decided to nip that one in the bud, 18 episodes late, by referring to Alison as "a psycho stalker who wouldn't take no for an answer" who probably goaded any number of people into murdering her. "Listen, our relationship could be summed up in two words: Get lost."
On the one hand, Alison was a disgusting bitch who was constantly going after people after they'd surrendered. On the other hand, Spencer loves knowing who killed her so much that she will go ahead and assume that you killed her regardless, and fight you to the death without really pausing to review the evidence, because without certainty Spencer is nothing. "Too bad she's not here to defend herself," Spencer says, which doesn't make total sense but is only there to set up Ian's rejoinder: "Trust me, she never played that position. Your friend Alison was always on offense." Ssssssports!
Ian and Spencer have very little in common besides sports, extended metaphors, Melissa, the baby, shirtless pothead Jason, living in the same house, lusting after the same barn, hating the shit out of Alison DiLaurentis but still kind of making out with her all the time, staring threateningly way past an acceptable amount of staring, crossing molesty generational lines at every opportunity, and hanging around in the Hastings kitchen trying to scare everybody to death at all hours. Oh, and that time they dated.
Things Ashley Marin is missing from her kitchen this morning, thanks to Hanna's guestling: Milk, sugar, an entire butter dish's worth of butter, the end. Why? Because, Hanna explains, with no Sean around to frustrate her sexually anymore she's taken to making macaroni and cheese and brownies for her friend Caleb. Ashley hates on him for no reason some more -- I mean, it takes one to know one and she's not wrong that he's sketchy, exactly -- and Hanna decides right then is the appropriate time to ask for Caleb as a pet.
Ashley assures her dumb daughter that the foster care system works sometimes, and we don't need to bring home all the strays, and she calls him the Cat In The Hat, which is most excellent, and then reminds her dumb daughter that the fake nephew of Old Mrs. Potter is still catfishing around them looking for money and his misplaced lips, and they need as much privacy as possible, and says nice things: