Pretty Little Liars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
Touch Of Weevil

But the whole thing with Sean was that she wasn't interested in holding onto her virginity at all, which made him annoying but also makes her v-card an actual future storyline, which means today is not the day. Although I would applaud it, if she did, because the thing about buying into the whole virginity thing is that sometimes -- when you don't go down the path of nonreciprocal blowjobs, which helps nobody and is a lie anyway -- you end up in sex Viet Nam with no exit strategy and you're like, "It was just too much pressure and now I'm thirty because no moment could ever be special enough." The only person who knows when you're ready is you, but the intense cultural focus on female virginity makes even that suspect. But hey, maybe Caleb will eventually be it.

Spencer and Emily have one of their worst scenes ever at this point. Spencer sounds like she's reading from cue cards the whole time, and Emily looks like she's having a concussion. Paige calls -- "What brought you closer, her trying to drown you?" -- and Emily pretends that it's because she has a cousin in the military and needs support before turning the subject back to the mysterious Braille message 214 and what it could possibly mean. I don't ever want to know what it means! Blind Jenna getting her lacy-undie freak on with [Ian/Jason/Byron/Whoever] is too much pressure.

Finally Emily works up the courage to ask if she can possibly be Toby's friend like she was up to this point, and of course Spencer doesn't see the issues Emily's having until she explains how Toby still thinks she turned him in at the church originally (which honestly, I couldn't remember what she did there but just assumed she was loyal) and now that he's free maybe she can trouble Spencer for a little bit of Toby's time. Spencer doesn't think that way, so it's kind of bullshit all around, and then they see the heretofore unlinked Ian and Jenna having an intimate and pleasant conversation, and he gives her a bag of something. So Spencer's nose goes into the air and she starts sniffing around because the new most important thing in the universe is What Did Ian Give Jenna?

"So the play raises an interesting question: Are people born evil, or do they learn it? I brought some additional material to give you guys some background on the period."

EZRA. STOP TEACHING. My God. First of all, that's not an interesting question, it's a stupid question. This is not the Dark Ages, we know where babies come from now, and we understand that whole nature/nurture thing a lot better than they did when you were in philosophy school. And anyway "evil" is an outmoded concept because that kind of silly reductive absolutism leads you into questions that don't have answers: If you even do say Yes, there is a person who is evil, then it doesn't really matter if they were born that way. But second of all, your follow-up is period details? Like in order to answer the stupid question we need to know the deets? Like the play takes place back in that olden time when sometimes people were born evil? Back when people were less nuanced?

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Pretty Little Liars




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