BUT WHAT OF NOEL KAHN?
Mona: "I love that we can use fake IDs to drink shots and talk shit about Noel Kahn."
Hanna: "Uh oh. Looks like our table's been taken..."
Noel Kahn and Jenna! Are having dinner at the restaurant! Mona stares and gets weird and cold and awesome and tells Hanna to blow it off, because she thinks that Hanna is feeling sorry for her, when in fact that answer is so much more awesome. Hanna runs, and Mona stares a hole in the glass. Dude! That is great. Noel Kahn deserves to have that be his big issue: Shall I date Mona Vanderwaal, or Jenna Thing? They're both crazy as shit, but then so am I.
SADNESS MONTAGE II
Toby is sad. Aria is sad. It is raining. We did this already... Aw, man. Fuckin' Ezra Fitz drives up and runs at her in the night and they stare at each other in the rain and then he kisses her in the rain in the middle of like traffic and ... It's beautifully shot, and all? But Good Lord those two. What is there to say? What I wouldn't give to have Hanna Marin behind the wheel of a car right now.
Or how amazing if they were kissing and there was all this nonsense going on and then Jackie Morales comes roaring up in an SUV, hops the curb, takes 'em both out. God, that would be satisfying. Just like with a bottle of vodka, arm raised out the moonroof, howling in triumph. Quoting "B-26" at the top of her lungs.
Aria: "I can't believe all I had to do was sit in the rain for eleven hours and you finally came."
Ezra: "The thing about being a child molester is that I need to be absolutely sure you're committed to me. None of this Jason DiLaurentis shit. I need enthusiastic consent."
Aria: "You have it."
Ezra: "Are we absolutely the worst people who have ever lived?"
Emily & Spencer: "You mean that crazy moron actually tried to blend the USB drive? What, is she bored because she hasn't gotten nearly murdered in a couple weeks?"
Caleb: "I don't know. But the important thing is that, clearly, I backed up the files without telling her."
Everybody: "Yeah, we're going to have to start lying to Hanna about all kinds of things. Turns out things were actually easier when Emily was the weak link."
Spencer and Caleb get into some logical loggerheads. He wants to lie to Hanna, because he's in this to play out the clock and figure the mystery out, but Spencer is still raw from lying to Toby, so the idea of triple-crossing Hanna seems a little out of range to her. But Caleb can't know that, because he doesn't know the stakes, which means Spencer also has to lie to Caleb, about what's really going on, the same way they always do.