Aria: "Hey, new boyfriend. Why did you write off Mikey's B&E so easily?"
Jason: "Ali used to threaten to turn me in all the time and it was a real drag."
Aria: "Did she?"
Jason: "She was too smart to actually call the cops on me. She was as fearless as she needed to be, which I was jealous about because she was so awesome. I agree with my parents that they lost the wrong kid."
Aria: "Don't say that. Do say that. Keep saying things that make me want to give you a handjob while you cry."
Jason: "You know how everybody in Rosewood loses their memory about important stuff? I might have killed Alison. I still carry around this note from the next AM that says I know whaT you did. I don't know what it means, but it almost destroyed me. How hard is it to make a lower-case letter T?"
Aria: "Dude, so you just kind of went around thinkin' you killed your sister this whole time?"
Jason: "Drink Snap Slap, babe. My substance abuse is no laughing matter. I'm just happy Ian confessed, because now I know."
Aria: "Oh no. You killed my friend, maybe."
Melissa: "I'm back! I'm having a daughter! Sorry I picked my pedo husband over you!"
Spencer: "Sorry about ... Um, everything."
Melissa: "No, I feel bad. I lied to you and our parents and the cops and everybody this whole time because I thought I was defending an innocent man. Not a serial killer impersonating a texting corpse. Boy, whoever has Ian's phone off his corpse that was texting me our daughter's name and other privileged information sure did play a mean joke!"
Spencer: "I make mistakes too, Melissa. Sometimes on that same egregious level, if you can believe it. Like, this one time I pawned your precious..."
Melissa: "-- God, stop interrupting me! These pills are gonna keep me lucid only so long. I love you so much and I have to tell you this thing that's incredibly import..."
Ian's Phone, from Spencer's Purse where A stashed it: "RING RING RING!"
Everything goes to motherfucking hell.
Ella and Byron decide that only the Green Fairy can take away the grossness of having the coach at their school, nice guy, fun dude, be a killer pedo...
Mikey: "I'm going out to do some mean junk with my mean friends! Hate you!"