Hanna: "Mom, what's going on, why are you stressing? Dad? Work? Steal from any old ladies? Fuck any cops?"
Ashley: "Bitch every time you leave my house you get run over by a car or pimped out by a serial killer or you bring home itinerant werewolves or find dead pedophiles rotting or you set fire to your therapist's office. I was honestly just worried."
Hanna: "I am a handful, that's true."
Ashley: "Being a mother feels weird in my tummy! It is stressing me out!"
Hanna: "Oh my God. I honestly believed you thought we were roommates. That is so sweet. I think I'll call you... Mom."
They: (Hug because everything's over and it's going to be okay. HA!)
Caleb: (Leaves, sulking, because he never had a mommy. Just wolves.)
ROSEWOOD COLLEGE FOR HAND-HOLDING & OTHER NAUGHTY SEXY STUFF
Ezra: "Aria, tell me all about how hard it was to find your best friend's murderer's corpse. Use small words. Be brief."
Aria: "Well it all started back in 1958..."
Jackie Molina: "-- HEY GUYS SORRY TO INTERRUPT!"
Aria: "Hi, Jackie! Sorry I iced you out at that party. Why are you dressed like you're pregnant? I didn't notice that little update on your Website Page."
(Oh my God remember the Website Page? That was so amazing.)
Jackie: "I know exactly what is going on between the two of you, but I'm more interested in being super vague and creepy about that. Bye!"
Aria is hilariously rude to her; hilariously obnoxious once she's gone. Then they are sort of cute. I guess, begrudgingly, that there is nothing to complain about here. Which also holds true for them, and yet somehow still they are angsting now. About their non-secret relationship, which is no longer a problem. We're onto them, those two.
SPEED DEMON EXPRESS
Emily takes a delivery slip to the postal place and the attractive, dead-eyed fellow -- I believe the one named by the fans, remember, who delivered the bribe money that time with Garrett, in the woods, when Ian went missing, the fourth time out of the seven times that happened -- acts all vague and weird with her. I guess the package, which is for her mom, will contain yet more poisoned college paraphernalia... No, it looks like plans for a housing development, like the kind that Texans might live in? (Or for a cemetery? This comes back at the end but I still didn't understand it at all.) She sees Logan's picture on the wall, under Speed Demon's Soulless Employee Of The Month, and remembers that night with the bribe money. Logan Reed. Thanks, fans! Good one.