Hanna: "Hey Dad, do you think I need therapy possibly because you fucked my life over and disappeared? Do you think I should blame my bulimia on your divorce? Do you think constantly getting run over, and crashing cars, and forcing myself on Christians, and letting werewolves deflower me outdoors while robbing me, and prostituting myself at school dances, and day-drinking in high school, you think any of that might have anything to do with you?"
Dad: "Hanna, that's awful."
Hanna: "Oh, I know! I'm not a total clichÃ©, I was just messing with you. Sorry."
Dad: "...Good one?"
Dad: "Look. I told you that you'd always be my daughter before I left, and then I totally avoided you ever since then, because you are an unholy disaster. That's on me."
Hanna: "Don't forget my bitch stepsister."
Dad: "She is an angel. Don't you dare talk about my daughter like that."
Hanna: "Um, wow."
Dad: "Sorry. Let's just try to make this work. I'm sorry I left you in the grips of your insane, awesome mother, but I'm here now to fix you."
Hanna: "Oh, I dare you."
SOME OLD MOVIE
Emily: "It's so weird how we're on a date at a movie theater together talking about my need for an offer letter from that recruiter."
Samara: "Why is that weird?"
Emily: "Because I went to a movie once with Maya. I would also be acting like this if we were at a karaoke honky-tonk, or if you were trying to drown me. Feelings, constant intense feelings, are my bailiwick."
Samara: "I had a Maya too. Her name was Marian, and the back of her head turned me gay."
Emily: "Did you score?"
Samara: "Uh. Look at me."
Emily: "This is fun! I love getting schmoopy about old girlfriends when I'm on dates."
Samara: "You are living proof that gay people are born this way."
Mona: "Hanna, thanks for meeting me even though you've turned me down eleven times."
Hanna: "I don't have any other friends in this episode, besides my usual friends. Listen, is Noel going to interrupt us again?"
Mona: "He done me wrong, Hanna."
Oh, Noel Kahn. You cruel beauty. Butterflies are free, I guess. I feel so bad for Mona, though. She blew her wad in high school and now no man will ever measure up.