Ashley: "Man, my life is nonstop drama. Kids bleedin', pastors cleanin'..."
Pastor Ted: "I figured it wasn't your divorce attorney, given that you were talking about children's blood and it's the middle of the night and we're on a date."
Ashley: "This deranged cop wants to get Hanna in trouble for something she couldn't possibly have done, but he's already decided she's a criminal, so who cares about probable cause? Oh, you know him. You're buds. I'm leaving that part out."
Pastor Ted: "That last of the many phone calls you just made in the middle of our date sounded positive, though."
Ashley: "Thank God, right?"
Pastor Ted: "That guilty look about the Lord's name, I have seen it before. Oh, right! When you ditched me at that church social, for the rummage sale that's about to start up again tomorrow, was that because you thought I was going to judge you?"
Ashley: "I'm a crunchy nutbar, Ted. I am ten pounds of nuts in a shapely five-pound bag."
Pastor Ted: "No doubt. But you really shouldn't prejudge me as a prejudger. When they ordained me they didn't take my sense of normalcy. Or my dick."
Ashley: "For the record, I am ready and willing to do both."
Pastor Ted: "Then I got your probable cause right here."
They do it in the soft light of a million sexy candles. Say what you will about her negotiation tactics, but Ashley Marin can close a deal.
FERMINGHAM EZRAGERALD, CAR OF
Wesley: "You're being really weird and hostile, I don't get it."
Aria: "Did you even tell Ezra that I called, or just..."
Wesley: "He never would have showed! He didn't have his phone, I was helping..."
Aria: "-- Like you're helping him with the car and that nonsense?"
Wesley: "I get it. We seem weird, and dysfunctional..."
Aria: "Bitch, I invented dysfunctional. You people are outright hostile. You will buy and sell a motherfucker..."
Wesley: "So he told you about Maggie. Huh. I only found out about it lately."
The Maggie Deal is that Ezra knocked her up -- this was before any of us were born, because he is an old child molester -- and Diane bought her off. It's not that complicated, but Aria needs it explained to her like a million times, because OMG. Ezra's got swimmers. And I'm so sure Maggie actually got an abortion -- you can actually hear them say "abortion" in this scene, but you have to be standing in Canada and listening very, very closely, like you would need bat hearing -- and finally Aria's like, "Well, ain't that a pisser," and then yells at him to drive faster. Sounds just like his mom for a sec! Weirdly, he's into it.