Pretty Little Liars
The Kahn Game

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
A Report On The Party & Guests

Spencer: "Enough about my life and my entire future. Let's discuss Ezra."
Aria: "That bitch just left me standing there! All but kicked me out of his garrett!"
Spencer: "Look. If you ever need advice on insane WASP asshole protocol, you come to me. I don't know why I even have to tell you this."

"I get it, okay? My Nana once offered me $200 to shave my father's sideburns in his sleep. Apparently they were an affront to his upbringing. He still has a scar really close to his ear."

Aria is shocked that Spencer -- Spencer Hastings, okay, the girl who would do it for free if she felt like it -- could possibly be bought off this way. All I know is, that is my favorite scene of this season so far.


Spencer: "Must be weird coming to some random party in Rosewood. From what I can tell, everybody in your graduating class was either a rapist, a Peeping Tom, a snuff film addict, a druggie, or a panderer who sold out their nubile young friends for cash. Even without knowing anything, I know there are like five cults in your graduating class."
Cece: "I know! And why won't Jason call me?"
Spencer: "Watch it. He's going through a rough patch."
Aria: "Hey, this place looks familiar. Isn't it... Spencer, this is Noel Kahn's cabin. We are in trouble deep."
Cece: "Eric's little brother? You know him?"

I don't know what I was expecting of Noel Kahn's big brother. Like, if Noel Kahn is -- just for analogy's sake -- the Pikachu of sex, shooting sinister sex rays everywhere and strumming his guitar in the rain and going skinnydipping with the absolute craziest girls he can find... What, what, what kind of a sex Raichu is in store for us with this Eric? What is above Threat Level Dennis, on the Menace Scale? What's more Noel Kahn than Noel Kahn? I can't think of it. It's a wall you drive into, like you're Hanna. There is no next level, because Noel Kahn's entire purpose is being the misogyny face of the weird and terrifying sexuality of this show. Like if this show were Congress, Noel Khan is the Paul Ryan.

So then I thought, well, what about if Noel Kahn was in the NAT Club, transform it that way, because their entire cohort -- Melissa, Ian, et. al, -- is us but grosser, which is why Alison and Jenna are the only ones privileged to know them personally. Alison and Jenna are the Mercutios that balance out the generations. But that got so scary so fast I had to stop thinking about it immediately. You win this one, imagination.

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Pretty Little Liars




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