Cousin Nate: "And yet I still love her."
Emily: "Like as a cousin, or..."
Cousin Nate: "Oh my God, you idiot. No! I am her stalker! I am not her cousin!"
Emily: "Yeah, okay. I get it now."
Cousin Nate: "Now I am going to cut up your girlfriend, like you... wait, hang on. You took Maya away from me! So I will take your girlfriend away from you!"
And with a flourish, he reveals... Paige! All duct-taped up in a closet, just lookin' all a mess. She got that text about keeping Ems safe and thought, "I'm a hoss, surely I can take this A out and save the day and those mean awful girls will stop being mean and awful to me, and I can just finally be normal" and then Cousin Nate was like, "I'm not even A and I totally got you!" Which just lends credence to my idea that if you live in Rosewood, you should just be A whenever you feel like it. Like Anonymous. Nobody will know, it'll be fine. Everybody does what A says all the time, even though it never works out and in fact does the opposite of work out, always.
Caleb, verbatim: "Hanna... I love you."
Hanna: "So your ass is dead, then."
Cousin Nate: "When I finally found you in a vulnerable enough place that you didn't punch me for kissing you, I thought maybe I could delude myself into thinking that you were into me. It's called being a Nice Guy and I pulled the same shit on Maya. Sadly, Nice Guys -- also, often, Crazy People -- are so into their own stuff that they don't really see you at all, just the stuff they're projecting onto you. So vague girls like you -- and flighty artsy girls like Maya -- are the two kinds of person that most often become Dream Girls to us. It doesn't matter if you say no or how hard you Friend-Zone me, because I wasn't listening to you before and I'm certainly not going to listen now, so at the most what you're doing is dicking me around and/or being a bitch. But because I put you on this pedestal, it seems to myself and sometimes even other people that I'm being a feminist, or at least I'm not a misogynist, when the truth is that I am a worse thing, which is a person so consumed by his own self that he honestly thinks women are objects put on this earth to carry his psychological burdens and has never known a person he didn't demonize or divinize in this way. It's kind of like being Neo in The Matrix, except you're the only real person."
Emily: "Oh my God, that's terrible! Are you some kind of horrifying space-age monster?"