Pretty Little Liars
The Ladykiller

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 4 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
One Thing About Boys

Spencer: "Look at these mean notes and pictures, Caleb."
Caleb: "Okay, I'm going with you to the grave then."

Caleb's being really involved in this episode, huh? I hope he doesn't tell Hanna he loves her or starts waving a gun around. If he does either of those things, that bitch is getting shot. I know how this show works.

EMILY'S BAD IDEAS WHY NOT

Angie: "Em! You answered your phone! You're there! This is Hanna, I just borrowed one of your coworkers' phones to fool you."
Emily: "Shut up and go away. I'm leaving town with Cousin Nate. He's taking me to someplace called the Lighthouse Rock Inn, where we can be all alone in a deserted cabin out of cell phone range, like the complete strangers we are."
Hanna: "We love you, Emily."
Emily: "Suck a nut, 'Angie.'"

Pam: "Hey, are you sure this makes sense that you would go to a scary death cabin with a person you don't know, who terrifies the scariest person in this whole town?"
Emily: "Yes."
Pam: "Okay, I'm cool with letting you do whatever you want."

Spencer: "So you say she's leaving town with her stalker that keeps pressuring her sexually even though he knows she's gay? And who scares the shit out of Jenna Thing and has publicly attacked her more than once?"
Hanna: "Yeah, apparently they're making a weekend of it."
Spencer: "Good for her."

THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD

Toby randomly walks up after Hanna leaves Spencer staring into space, and they run in slow motion at each other and the camera whirls around them while they embrace and it takes forever and ever. Man, I hope Toby doesn't tell Spencer he loves her or anybody mentions one more goddamn time how honest and trustworthy he is or they have gauzy montage-music intercourse, because if any of those things happens, that bitch is gonna turn out to be on the A-Team. I know how this show works.

IN THE LAND OF OUR FITZFATHERS

Ezra is clearly working, and Aria clearly is not interested in letting him work. This verbatim moment kind of says it all:

Aria: "...Hey Ezra?"
Ezra: "Love ya, babe."

Now, you and I know she was about to bring up his baby mama, but he doesn't know that, which means this exchange has already happened, I would say, hundreds of times. This would be because Aria is incredibly needy and because Ezra is... at best, merely a boy. When Maggie knocks on the door, he assumes it's his neighbor who locks herself out once a week -- he even keeps a key by the door -- but what's really maddening about this scene is that somehow over the course of the next few seconds, it's going to go from "a thing that sometimes happens" to "a thing that was inevitable." Like, if he had just said, "It's Mrs. Rosenthal next door, she called and said she locked herself out again," it would make sense. But instead he just seems crazy and then clairvoyant when she does show up.

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Pretty Little Liars

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