Every time they say "Noel Kahn" the closed-caps say "an old con." Brilliant, no? That is some Ellen Raskin shit, courtesy of the universe. So Emily jokes around with Hanna about how if she's such a good judge of character, Caleb-wise, how do you explain Noel? Um, because he is totally fucking awesome. That's how. Pam shows up with laundry baskets begging her daughter to eat some cobbler, offering to bring it directly to her in bed if she will stop hating her, but all Emily can hear is how her life is disgusting and she is not pretty on the inside and Pam will always be grossed out by her. Which is totally understandable, even with Pam's face outside her door clearly with her gay-hating heart in a million pieces desperate to reconnect, but it's not like Emily doesn't have a point.

"Paige is such a knob," says Hanna, but Emily knows better -- and that it has nothing to do with Emily, really, at all; but the weirdo arrival of her is still too fresh so Emily just changes the subject to the Hanna/Aria weirdness of the past week... And that's the transition to the conversation between Aria and Spencer, which is more exciting only because of Spencer's insane cowboy outfit. They discuss the useless Toby clue and Aria dismisses the breakup with Hanna and I dunno, it's hard to imagine a conversation between Aria and Spencer that wouldn't be about clues and murders and stuff. It's their common thing, their whole Hardy Girl sisterhood. Well, that and dressing like lunatics from an insane asylum.

Suddenly, Spencer is able to deduce -- from like the Doppler Effect of a siren going past -- that Aria is not only talking to her from Ezra's house, but is currently sitting on his bed. Spencer = magic. The best part of the conversation is when she gets very intense and goes, "Is he taking a shower?" Like, of course Spencer would find zero wrong with Aria's relationship and think it's adorable, both because she is a dirty old war vet in the body of a young girl but also because older men are her snack cakes: You just pretend Ezra's dating Melissa, and it all makes sense.