Pretty Little Liars

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The Big B.A.D. Wolf
of the ovarian sisterhood, and also Noel Kahn, are sweaty in love with him."

Of course -- because Byron's entire life is about getting back into a "stable" nuclear family unit -- all he hears is that Ella is saying one million great things about the one million great things about Ezra, which I thought were urban legends until just today at lunch. Turns out Byron is aware of Nick McCullers and totally knows what Ella's talking about when she says, exasperated, "Very same paranoia. He was about to launch into the Gay Agenda right there in the cafeteria. Ezra totally calmed the waters, completely defused the situation. It was something to see!"

But even though she's only minorly crushing the second Byron bristles, Ella realizes she's got some currency now. After all, it was Byron who had bought a new shirt for a date the night of the art opening, which caused her to go all Mirror Has Two Faces and take Aria shopping, because she wants nothing more than an ironclad guarantee that taking him back won't blow up in her face, which means she needs Byron fully brainwashed before she comes home.

And she pushes on that bruise with three fingers -- "Oh, I'd love to schedule another makeout sesh but I'm going to this thing with Ezra" and conveniently leaving out the part where like the entire faculty is invited to this thing -- and you know what, it's totally okay and meet that she should do this. The only reason her high school games with the love of her life are at all a narrative problem is because of the Aria/Ezra thing, which she doesn't even know about. She's doing it right.

And Byron, because he is a cliché like most men, picks up the scent: Ella likes Ezra. Not in a sex way, not in a real way because he is basically a child -- chronologically and emotionally -- but just enough that it makes Byron feel weird, which is exactly where we want him... If it weren't for Aria. Which works both for the story and in a grander sense, because Ella is using Ezra for certain uncool purposes, the idea of her liking him, about which he will never even know, in order to put her family back together.

When I said we're all just Pretty Little Liars in our own households I wasn't only talking about teenagers. The fact is that men are raised thinking they're owed everything, and it's on our asses to make them feel that way at the same time we're constructing lives of our own making. That's not even feminism, it's just two thousand years of culture. It defines us.

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Pretty Little Liars

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