Previously: The girls discovered a tube of lipstick in the closet. Hanna spotted Jenna in the elevator with the same shade of lipstick. Holly Marie Mom finally found out about Chad Dad's cheating ways. Hanna met Jenna's shrink. Spencer showed off her mean serve to Chin Dimple the Second. Sean seemingly flirted with a different blonde. Hanna got an IM with pictures of Emily and Maya kissing. Toby and Emily started sharing mixtapes and making Flubber. Mr. Fitz's wise friend Artie told him that he was going to prison for hooking up with Aria, then Fitz found text messages from "A" and kicked Aria to the curb.
Aria is sleeping on what looks like a leather pillow case, and she's flashing back to making out with Fitz. Her headphones are removed from her ears by Spencer, and the girls are all in her room staging an intervention. At least they brought takeout. They want her to get out of her disgusting sweats and to try on homecoming dresses. She doesn't want to go to the dance, and they don't think that's a good idea. They think she's all upset about her parents, and Emily tries to Little Mary Sunshine it and say that it will blow over. Hanna reminds them that it wasn't a missed occasion, Chad Dad slept with one of his students. This actually seems to resonate with Aria. Can't imagine why. She says that things can change... with time. Aria says maybe, and Spencer takes this to mean she's coming to the dance. She says she'll think about it, but Hanna wants to make sure that she at least casts an absentee ballot for homecoming queen. Every vote counts. Spencer tells Hanna she's got it in the bag, and Hanna hopes this means she can rig the election. But the workaholic will be busy running the committee and in charge of snacks and still look cute for her first date with Alex. The girls are all excited for her, even Aria, who suddenly thinks she might come to check out the boy. Aria looks really odd, but after staring at her for like twenty minutes, I realize that it is because she's not wearing her normal eight pounds of eyeliner. No wonder these recaps always take me longer than I plan. Spencer tells them he's not going to know anyone there, and hopes that her friends will be nice to him.
Emily says she's going solo, and Aria says she will too. Spencer jokes that they should go together and would make a cute couple. Include obligatory Samantha Ronson joke here. Hanna sees Emily's face, and says that she should bring someone she has fun with. Emily mysteriously says she wants to bring someone, but is worried people will read too much into it. Spencer wants to know if she and Ben got back together. Why is everyone all so gung-ho to get her back together with the rapist all the time? Hanna helpfully changes the subject to food, though she jumps right into the fortune cookies. She stares at it, then reads it to her friends. "Lions and tigers and bitches, oh my. There's no place like homecoming. See you there. -- A" Spencer grabs another fortune, and they realize that all the cookies have the same fortune. How'd he/she get them in the cookies? I'm totally impressed. Nice work, "A".
Sean is in a classroom, saying that his parents are out of town and he's ready to do it. Blonde cheerleader says she's not ready. She made a commitment that she wants to honor. Hanna watches on clearly bored by this role-playing scenario. Hanna gets plucked as the next role-player, and she tries to say no, but the advisor casts her as the instigator. Some boy named Lucas is chosen to be her partner and he's not interested in participating in this "sex-ercise." Only slightly less annoying than sexpionage. Advisor doesn't care and forces them together. Hanna's not exactly convincing as she is totally monotone while "inviting" him up to her room. Lucas says he can't do it, because it's not believable that someone hot like Hanna would ever approach a guy like him unless she had low self-esteem (she does!) and a drinking issue (who knows, she may!). Advisor says it is acting and to deal, but he says he's never going to have to deal with turning down a hot combo of Barbie and Shakira. Dude, you just made her day. He continues to tell his teacher that he's got "the upper body strength of Screech" and that he spends his weekends playing Wii... alone. He's not exactly worried about having the opportunity to lose his virginity. The teacher makes them start again, when Hanna asks if he'd like to come to her room, he quickly responds with an enthusiastic "yes!" This guy? He's my new favorite.
Aria follows/stalks Mr. Fitz in the hallway. He won't talk to her because he has a staff meeting. She doesn't appreciate the brush off. Emily's in the cafeteria grabbing a water and wearing a cute striped-sporty top, when Maya walks up behind her. They awkwardly stare at each other, and Maya says she hasn't seen her in a while... even though they live across the street from each other. Emily blames it on being busy with the memorial, but she asks if Maya's going to homecoming. She's not planning on it, because dance music isn't her thing. They agree to catch up some time.
Hanna's eating lunch and putting on makeup (not necessarily simultaneously) and Spencer runs up to ask her if she can steal Jenna's file that day. Hanna cancelled her shift at work, so Spencer tells her to fake a nervous breakdown. She insists that the file is the only way they'll ever know what Jenna and her creepy brother know about that night. Hanna says if she loses the homecoming queen title, she really will have a breakdown and can get it then. Hanna also doesn't understand the rush, and Spencer says it's because Toby bought two tickets to the dance. They think this means that Jenna will be coming, and since "A" threatened to see them there, they think this is bad news. Their plot to steal confidential files is thwarted by Mona (Mona! I've sorta missed her not at all). She wants to know if Spencer's really taking a towel boy to the dance. Hanna tells her former sidekick to knock it off. Mona calls Alex a "Cinderfella", and Hanna dispatches Mona to get fro-yo with sprinkles. And she does. Oh, the power. Spencer worries that other people will judge too. Yes, all those other people who go to this school that happen to hang out at the country club. She doesn't understand why Hanna is friends with Mona at all, and Hanna says she thinks Mona's actually kind of funny and reliable. She says Mona just puts on the tough exterior, so people won't remember her geeky incarnation.
Toby walks in to have lunch, prompting Spencer to hit Hanna. He reaches for his phone in his pocket and lifts his shirt so we can see a tattoo on his hip (what is he, a girl?) that says "901. Free at last." He then walks off towards the lockers to see Emily. He wanted to talk to her about hanging out the next day. She says she's going with her friends to homecoming, but see, this is just his clever way of inviting her to the dance with him. She didn't think that was his scene, and he thinks she's trying to blow him off, but mostly she really just thought that a guy like him (who apparently likes to listen to The Smiths alone in his bedroom when he's not reading classic American literature at The Grill) would think that an event so based on school spirit and popularity was lame. He does, but he knows she's into that sort of thing, so he's going to suck it up. She agrees to go. He says he'll pick her up at 9, but she tells him the dance starts at the early hour of 8. He says even that's lame.
Chin Dimple the Second shows up to see Spencer painting away at set pieces (?) for homecoming. He wants to know what color suit he should buy so he doesn't clash with her. She offers to match something he already owns, but that's not really an option. See, because he's poor. And poor people can't afford luxuries like suits. She wonders if he really wants to spend the money. He says he does. He also tries to give her cash for the tickets, but she says it's her treat. She knows how hard he works and doesn't want him to waste his money on a stupid dance. He grabs her, tells her he wants to, and