Aria: "And everyone that's watching is going to believe that Emily totally went rogue and that she wants the box that Jason gave me. The one with the evidence that doesn't really exist."
Who Is Actually Going To Think That: Nobody. Maybe A, but certainly not "everyone that's watching," because nobody knows what the fuck any of you are ever talking about.
Back home, Lucas is trying to hook Hanna on comic books, a thing boys have been trying to do to girls forever and ever, but who is standing in her kitchen but Cyberwolf Caleb. Lucas stares at them as they kiss their hellos, and feels a feeling he cannot name. Perhaps it is one we don't have words for.
Toby: "Talking shit about Officer Garrett makes it seem like I'm jealous he's dating the sister that used to rape me."
Emily: "I'm just here to watch one of the fifty swim meets that happen at this school each and every day of the year."
Toby: "Hey, can I ask you something? Why is Spencer being such a bitch to you? And more importantly, me?"
Emily: "Stop caring immediately."
Toby: "No, this is just my face. I swear."
Aria takes the book back to Ezra's office, with a stupid love note inside, and then rethinks the love note. But it's too late! Jackie Morales appears out of nowhere, and so begins the dance of death. They go back over all the stuff about how they keep blackmailing each other for the sweet sweet candy that is Ezra's many positive traits, and then Ezra walks in and nearly dies from a nice-guy heart attack about girls fighting over him. Jackie disappears, again in an instant. To where? From whence? She is so evil.
Aria: "Okay, but the funny part is that I would have dumped you even if she wasn't blackmailing me about it. Also, I forgot to tell you that I blackmailed her first."
Ezra: "I guess part of it is my fault for wussing out in the most painful way possible when I had the opportunity to tell your mom you're the one I hold hands with."
Aria: "Yeah, I can see why that would terrify you."
Ezra: "I just had this amazing plan that I've never had one single time before!"
Aria: "Is it to tell my parents we're dating?"
Ezra: "Are you psychic?"
HANNA LOVE TRIANGLE
Caleb: "Hey, why are you out here instead of watching the 35th swim meet of the day?"
Lucas: "I am chlorine intolerant. That is a real thing."
Caleb: "Well, it's nice to see you. And presumably live in your house rent-free."
Lucas: "Hey, are you ever going to leave town permanently?"
Caleb: "I'm sorry, were you not the one that drove across the country to pick me up and force me on Hanna yet again?"
Lucas: "I'm starting to see the downside of that plan."
Caleb: "You're sweet to worry about Hanna."
Lucas: "...Yeah, let's go with that."