Hanna: "Lucas, could you take a second from stalking me and looking at mysterious Website Pages in order to find every photo of me doing community service and remove it from the internet?"
Lucas: "Okay, Rick Santorum. You realize that's not how the internet works, right?"
Hanna: "Just do it, okay?"
Lucas: "...Okay. Hey, look on the bright side, it's the internet, you're up against talking dogs and people eating bits of sofa cushion. Whatever the fuck is going on on Tumblr. And you look cute in them, in a post-apocalyptic, rag-tag-band-of-survivors kind of way..."
Hanna: "I got that reference. I think you are infecting me with dorkiness."
Lucas: "Just like you infected me with being in love with Caleb."
Ezra & Byron, verbatim: "I thought it was a good way to talk about architecture in context. I mean, people lived in these buildings. It was the real world for them. Anything that gets people reading Henry James is fine by me. Yeah, and we could combine classes, we'll show 'em The Heiress."
Ezra & Byron: "We are so postmodern and interdisciplinary. I have a total '90s woodie right now."
(The Heiress is about a girl who falls for this guy her parents don't trust, and by the end of the movie she has ruined his entire life and it's amazing even to the grownups. Her aunt's all, "Why are you being such a bitch?" and the girl, Olivia De Havilland, is like, "I have been taught by masters.")
Ezra: "Your daughter is a remarkable, nubile young woman who surely didn't kill several people and then have to do community service."
Byron: "Hey, do you want to come over for dinner? That's always an unmitigated disaster when we do that."
Ezra: "So I guess your wife didn't tell you her theory about me fucking Spencer and telling me to leave town? Cool, I'm sure this will go great. Dinner sounds wonderful."
Like seriously, why would he agree to that. But he does gulp, so I guess he's trying to balance out the issues.
CONFESSIONS OF A TRUCKBABY
Spencer: "Toby, are you lurking around somewhere?"
Toby: "I am always lurking around somewhere."
Spencer: "What's with that rocking chair in the back of the pickup truck I bought you?"
Toby: "I made it for you, for your birthday. Also, why are you guys being such bitches to Emily? And can I be your boyfriend again?"
Spencer: "I can't talk to you about any of those things. Go fuck your sister and stop stalking me."
Toby: "I am absolutely destroyed by that. Or else this is just my face."