Toby: "It's always so dark in your house I can barely see all of Ian's pathetic belongings."
Spencer: "I'm just glad neither of us requires the College Fair, since you're a dropout contractor and I'm already a lawyer and a surgeon by correspondence. Besides, I'll either be dead or in the nuthatch way before that point."
Toby: "I would think College Fair would be like your Superbowl!"
Spencer: "Digging through Ian's shit is my Superbowl."
Toby: "Hey, Ian's yearbook. Let's sit down at peruse it at length just in case it contains a clue."
It: Contains a clue.
Spencer: "Why were Jason and Ian and Garrett all in a creepy made-up club together?"
Toby: "How do you know it's made up?"
Spencer: "I am in all the clubs. I was about to join Madrigals before I got ahold of myself. If there were an N.A.T. Club at Rosewood, I would be its president."
Toby: "What do you think N.A.T. stands for?"
Spencer: "I dunno, but I bet it has to do with molesting."
THERE WILL BE BROCHURES
Ezra's old students, with one notable exception, are: Ever so happy to see him. Since he's been gone for about a week, you can imagine the throng.
Ezra: "Hello, Miss Montgomery. May I [creepy schoolgirl innuendo] you in the [creepy schoolgirl innuendo] with my slippery [creepy schoolgirl innuendo]?"
Aria: "First tell me why you are in love with Jackie Morales!"
Ezra: "I am none of the above. Why are you schitzing out about this again?"
Aria: "I saw her! I SAW THE BROCHURES!"
Ezra: "I am getting tired of your shit. Maybe we should tell people we're dating, like we've decided to do in at least ten other episodes. Will that shut you up?"
Aria: "No, that's not the answer this time! Sometimes it just happens! Like when I kissed Jason DiLaurentis!"
Ezra: "...I have to go."
This next part is awesomely verbatim, because Jackie doesn't even know they were fighting about her: She just sends "EZ" out for more brochures and corners Aria and lays down a little smack.
Jackie: "College will be a great experience for you. It really helps you grow up. You'll look back and realize ... just how naïve you were."
Gauntlet thrown, my good sir.