Q: Is it possible for this show to be too scary?
A: No, but honest to John what a good try.
It's College Fair day at Rosewood High, so everybody's doing what you think they would be: Spencer's off digging through Ian's shit with Toby, Aria is juggling her various pedophile boyfriends, Hanna takes Mona on a Glampire Gleekend WASPapalooza, and Emily... Sits around practicing swimming using her imagination, all alone, until getting a message from A in her literal breakfast on the subject of how she's the weak link. Note that none of them go to the College Fair, because obviously none of them are going to live that long.
Emily, Still 100% Losing It: While she's getting the scary breakfast messages, Ashley Marin sweetly gives Emily a massage gift certificate, and Therapy Anne invites her to share her rapidly decomposing grip, but both of those things go terribly wrong. (No update on Anne's footwear at this time.) The massage is administered by A -- truly the creepiest thing ever, even on this All-Time Creepiness Champion of a show -- which in turn scares her away from the desperately needed therapy session. Five showers later the Liars circle up, but it's still hella grody on every level.
Hanna, Still Recapitulating The Parent Trap: A trip to the city for a bridesmaid fitting becomes a ride through nightmare once she and Mona run into her stepsister-to-be (an oddly shaded amount of face under orange eyebrows which seem to have their own terrifying agenda). For reasons the show doesn't even care to explain, they all end up going horseriding and Hanna and Mona end up horseless in the forest and resort to cannibalism, and then randomly Hanna's venting gets broadcast to the stepsister, who calls Hanna that night and explicitly threatens that she's going to break Hanna's will like a bronc-buster until she is just skin and desperation.
(Also very scary, but maybe the best thing about being Hanna is that she either forgets this conversation immediately, or just doesn't give a single shit because what's one more stalker at this point: come at me bitch i already got run over 3x today lol)
Aria, Speaking Of Eyebrows: For the first time in the entire show's history somebody asks somebody a direct question. Jason is approached about how come he has scary pictures of her sleeping ("Or drugged!" as Spencer helpfully suggests), and he hands her this mess about how they were undeveloped pictures taken by the ever-creepy Alison, which he found in a box that he gives Aria, along with framed pictures of herself sleeping (or drugged); the box does not contain any clues at this time, but wait. Oh, and there's a super cute scene where she and Spencer declare their love for each other while Emily goes quietly insane upstairs.
Montgomery, Otherwise: Beautiful Ella sets up Mikey with a therapist of his own, and spots Spencer having a little meeting with Ezra about Aria's Jason Sensation Fixation that leaves her feeling like maybe the rumors are true and that Ezra -- just like every other man in town -- is a creeping molester. Considering that Aria's boneheaded disclosure of the Jason kiss -- and an awesomely mean takedown from Jackie Molina -- has radicalized them (once again) to tell the world of their love, Ella's horrified/heartbroken response is particularly sad, because it means their stupid affair has to stay a secret.
Villains, Pedos & Unclassified: Jason, Ian and Garrett were all in a Peeping Tom club together called the N.A.T. Club, which is Latin for "We See All," which means perhaps they are part of a multiple A, which in turn means the Killer has gone back to being a completely separate person. Jenna visits Spencer to warn her to stop digging into the Jason Thing for her own -- and Toby's -- sake, but of course all Spencer wants to do is fight her and blind her like fourteen more times, so that goes poorly. Undaunted, Jenna sends Garrett to talk to Jason about cutting off the girls' information flow before whatever happens, happens. Still zero clue about any of this part of things -- or where the fuck Noel Kahn's gotten off to -- but these little hints are super fun.
Next, And Penultimate, Week: Spencer's Dad attacks Jason yet again, and the Liars tell Therapy Anne about A, marking her for certain death.
Previously: Emily was juicin', Spencer and Mikey were breaking into all kinds of places, and Jason was developing lots of creepster pictures of Aria. Too bad Aria was petulantly ignoring Ezra's calls, or else she might have somehow heard about this. Too bad the other Liars forgot they all live simultaneously next door to each other, or else maybe they could0 have dropped by. Ah, well.
A SOMEHOW MAKES PUBLIC SCHOOL BREAKFAST EVEN MORE DEPRESSING
Emily: "Hey, we need to talk about Jason."
Aria: "I know, right? We totally made out."
Emily: "Hold up about the stalking, let's do some girl talk!"
Aria: "I really don't know what to tell Ezra. It seems like something he should know, but on the other hand I don't really give a care anymore."
Emily: "Oh, by the way, we found all of these home-developed pictures of you in his crawlspace darkroom barn."
Aria: "You seem to have buried the lede."
Spencer, dressed like the Phantom Zone: "You were asleep in them. Or maybe drugged."
Aria: "Why would you say something so incredibly creepy?"
Spencer: "Listen, you're just taking a vacation inside my weird mind. I have to actually live here."
Aria: "Okay, so pictures of me sleeping or drugged. Anything else you might have thought to mention?"
Spencer: "Just that if you don't stop flirting with the idea of Jason I'm going to have to sanction your ass."
Aria: "Okay. I can still hang out with him and goof around though, right?"
Spencer: "This kind of shit is why you're constantly getting molested."
Aria: "But Jason actually did help my crazy brother in some way, by not telling the cops about Mike's many break-ins."
Spencer: "Yeah, and I'm sure he really wants to help people at this school avoid the wacky weed, too."
Aria: "Okay, I'm taking what you guys are saying to heart. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go flirt with Jason DiLaurentis."
Emily: "I'm hanging by a thread here. Can I please have like one friend?"
Spencer: "First of all, I can't believe you didn't inform me of this. Next you'll be telling me they kissed. Anyway, I know you're feeling bereft and persecuted, I have to go dig through yet more shit of Ian's with Toby. Have you guys met?"
Emily: "I don't believe so, no."
Spencer: "Well, I'm just going to leave you here alone at school, okay?"
Emily: "Sure. What horrible thing could possibly befall me here, this early in the AM?"
A, instantly: "How about all your Alpha-Bits are the letter me, and there's also a note in there about how you're the weakest link and thus will be getting pushed until you snap. How you feeling now?"
Emily: "Dreadfully alone. That shit I pulled at the lesbian caucus is looking more and more like a mistake. I could really use a massage from a licensed caregiver."